Friday, October 24, 2008

Totally Choreography

I am blogging so much!
I think it is because at the suggestion of Miss Porto, I need to keep myself busy.
Idle time is the devils plaything.
I think that is how it goes or maybe idle hands makes something something something.

PS I just told my "its complicated" person that because I found his phone charger and washed two of his shirts that I am a DREAM.
I made sure DREAM was just like that, in all caps.
This is the way I see myself in my mind, as basically a saint.

I am not sure whether I can leave that paragraph in this blog because its almost like I'm discussing him.

Moving on.

So last night was the clothing swap, suggested by Weinerdog.
Basically a bunch of girls in one apartment trading things instead of shopping.
It sort of works.
It's not a perfect system, I mean, there are probably a hundred items of clothing in my spare room right now.
I want to take them to salvation army or a shelter but I think my girlfriends are much more wee than your average human.
Its kind of like donating a kids meal to a hungry person.
This will tide me over for 8 to 10 minutes I think.

Wait actually, first I met up with Pam and Hiyme and TBones and Thornburg at horrendous Annex to see Chief.
I think that if you like a band you should go see them even if you have to pay 12 dollars. Because you should be active in your local talent scene, and also live music is GREAT.
Yes I meant every word of that.

OK so. Annex has a sound system that is absolute horseshit.
it is the balls.
That place can not get any worse.
The dj (why was there a dj there?) was wearing eyeliner.
The bartender (if you can call him that considering how I stood there staring at him needing a drink and he kept talking to his ugly friend instead of serving me) looked EXACTLY like the guy from Say Anything, the party scene...the one whos in the bathroom fixing his gross hair then gets crazy drunk and pukes. You know him.
I just googled him and imdb-ed him for the last 15 minutes.


Well yeah so Annex sucks.
The lead singer of Chief looks like a more annoying version of Seth Rogen.

Great yeah I'm sure you can tell by the picture.
iPhone next generation. Get a zoom. Thanks.

Yeah so I spent 16 dollars on tiny drinks in a matter of 45 minutes.
Then we met up with Stephanie at TBones studio and walked to the Den.
There was a lot of complaining about heavy bags and needing to pee and how far away Chinatown is.
Its not.

Corinne and Chiara and Shaderican came over too with some swap things.
I made a table for it all out of a door.
I was feeling super handy yesterday!
Even after sifting through everything, this is what was left, like babies in a dumpster.
So unloved.

I came away with some good stuff I would say.

Then we drank and the room exploded with estrogen.
If you were a man and you walked in, the hanging fog of ladyvibes would have immediately crippled you.

Apparently Thornburg and her lover have reached some kind of anniversary which means, obviously, going through her ipod to put on Morrissey.
Am I blowing up spots?
I don't know, but it was super cute if you ask me.

This is what it looks like when Stephanie decides to tell a story.
It could be about anything really, judging by the array of hand gestures.
They are so fast that it can not be captured in photo without blur of motion.

Is she talking about playing a piano?? Checking her watch?? Is it a story about a super scary haunted house?? A terrible smell?? Does it have something to do with rolling dough??
I have no idea.

I think this is Chiara's listening face.

I think this is Weinerdogs surprised jewish bubbeh face.

If you guessed that Weiner is the one flipping off the camera for absolutely no reason you guess correct.
Look at her petite finger!
(She also has petite feet. feminine step)

Denise tells Thornburg about plans to drive across Mexico.
Thornburg looks at her like this and then laughs and basically says, impossible.
You. Dummies.
Except she said it nicer than that.
Actually come to think of it. No. She didn't.
But honesty is the best policy!
Then Thornburg and I talked about the danger of driving across Mexico without speaking fluent Spanish and being total gringas. We did this in the kitchen where we though no one was listening.
Turns out, little sleuth Stephanie was within earshot.
She argued her and Tbones side through the bathroom wall.
That is how much she loves arguing, and in the end, convincing people that she is right.
She will tell you why she is right, from the bathroom, through the wall, to the kitchen.
No prob.

This is some kind of vulgar demonstration that I would rather not explain.
Getting a laugh is top priority. Always.

I win.

Speaking of vulgar, I think this is where we all got really excited thinking Chiara was going to tell a dirty story.
I'm sorry but it didn't happen last night, and I don't think it will ever happen.
if it does happen, everything in the room will turn into little golden coins, with little legs, and little shoes. They will run around and if you catch them, they sing you a song and then you take them to the bank and the bank teller gives you a wheelbarrow of money in exchange and everyone in that bank branch screams YOU WIN! then they give you a tiger to ride home on, and the tiger wears a velveteen saddle just your size.
if you're wondering what happened to the wheelbarrow of money you got, its being pushed alongside you by Hoggle, the grumpy sidekick from The Labyrinth.

Don't mind me, just reading my invisible newspaper.
Don't want to fall behind on the pretend news.

Sometimes when I tell a story I have to stand up while everyone else remains seated.
Its mostly because I like to be watched like this:

TBones likes it!

Pam is one of those people who finds a way to disappear within an apartment.
Typically, this is what you would call impossible unless you like hiding in ovens.
But she is very good at being mysterious.

I told Thornburg that the reason why shes never been sent a text message with a picture of a penis is because shes too pretty and men would not do that because they would be too scared.
Thats the thing about being a model I think maybe it makes men really terrified.

In the end, the song in the video below is what you end up listening to, shaking your sloppy ass, even though you do NOT want to get married, and you do NOT necessarily love Beyonce.
You just have to blame the booze.

It is like something between Silence of the Lambs and podunk town dance/fashion show!

** it is important that I mention that Olivia Jiwonji and Kaitlin, who we all wanted to participate in swap night, were sorely missed. I am so sore from missing them that I should probably go get some kind of salve to relieve it.

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