hey get a life hag

Very Important Information:

New Moon in Scorpio
Tuesday, October 28, 4:14 pm PDT, 7:14 pm EDT

Powerful feelings are stirred by the New Moon in passionate Scorpio. But these intense emotions can be buried so deeply that their cause may not be immediately obvious. You may have desires that you are unwilling to express or fears you don't want to face. Perhaps you want to cut someone out of your life, leave a job or radically change yourself. Satisfaction will come from admitting what you want most and recognizing the price you have to pay to get it.

No this is not my personal guidance, I only trust the tip-off from the hilariously cliche astrological guru, Rick Levine.


On another note, I am falling into the nerd hole.
Last night I spent I don't know, maybe an hour looking at comic strips online.
Do you want to see my favorites??
They are from something called F-, which I did not know about until TallyDead showed me.
Literal LOL sesh
LITERAL LOL.






























I mean...Really.
Something might be happening to me I don't know what but any shell of aloof coolness is dissipating.
If I become a cat lady, blogging and laughing to myself reading newspaper comics, mastering sudoku and experimenting on stews with my crock pot (yes I really have one)
you can all just forget about me.
I will sort of understand.
The best part will be if I switch from Marlboros to Virginia Slims.
Actually if I'm being totally honest I should admit I'm also spending a good amount of time on the Lolcats site.
Its where I found this little piece of heaven.


Coincidence or not that I went to Kmart today and saw this?



If anyone ever catches me in a long nightie shirt starring Tweety Bird as a rock star, shoot me in the face.
Its the final straw really.

To counteract this blog, I am going to have to do something amazingly hip and chichi tonight.
What that even means I have no idea.
But it will be the things legends are made of.

Riductio ad Absurdum

Today was one of those days where I totally hate every choice I have made in my life that got me where I am.
I'm at work feeling like I absolutely suck at the one thing I've ever stuck with, which is taking care of kids.
Suddenly here I am arguing with a fucking six year old, like yes, for sure, I am quitting my job and moving away. With immediacy.

Two days ago, I was at the Hayden Planetarium watching Cosmic Collisions. Crying and smiling. As Robert Redford is narrating the tale of how one day the Milky Way will swirl and dance with Andromeda, and the gases and dust and masses of planets, asteroids, stars, moons, all of it will become one thing.
Billions of years from now.
Yes that shit makes me smile and cry at the same time. And literally my internal voice was like, oh so Milky Way and Andromeda are like the larger version of me and my soul mate??? (yet to meet)
I swear to go thats what I said in my mind. I am losing it. Thats the point.

So yeah, two days ago I was hopeful today I'm pissed.
Story of the hurricane.
Which is weeeeeeird because TODAY, June 2nd is actually the new moon, which typically brings a refreshing positivity to my crap existence.

Wanna know about it anyway?
Here go.

New Moon in Cancer, which by the way occurs at 7:19 pm EST, so basically right around now as I'm typing.



The annual union of the Sun and Moon in watery Cancer returns us to our roots. It's an emotional cocktail of memories, both good and bad. Let yourself be carried by what you sense inside because motion can purify even the darkest waters. Drink deeply from this stream for it will enrich the present and fuel your aspirations for the future. Nostalgic Venus, the planet of love, is close to the New Moon, sweetening us with images of romance and beauty to sip slowly and share with tenderness.


Um, I'll tell you what I'm sipping on. Its a vodka soda.
And I am not sipping slowly or tenderly.

Maybe in an hour I will feel practically reborn, who knows.
I do feel romantic though, I won't lie about that.
Any takers?
Nah I'm Playing my schedule is totes full in that arena.

Wait I just lied again, there is no one being romantic with me, at least I don't think thats what you call it.
RomantDick.

Sorry Mom.
You know who I am at this point.
Ugh.

Wait I think I have some visuals.
Not of THAT!
Of bullshit.



Hello street art?
Or what?
I don't care I like it a lot.
I wonder if its true.
If so, buses are supes expenz.


Not naming names or anything, but I know a 38 year old man who buys "sticky pests" from the little toy dispensers outside of bodegas.
And asks me for change to get multiples.
This is Grenouille.
I am keeping him.
Hes mine now.
I'm not gonna lie, I do the same shit.
Except I go for the temporary tattoos, not the sticky pests.
I applied one of a red stallion to said grown man, so if you check him on the street, be aware, its not real.
But hes so gay it might as well be.


Thats why I like hanging out.
Sticky pest #2, ladybug LED keychain (broken at time of purchase), yoohoo, donuts, weed device.
Should I be making a joke, or do you just want to handle that on your own?



You all have seen this picture before I know.
Just want to put it up and say congrats to Livvy for getting it in some big time German mag.
I forget which one, if you really wanna know ask her.
Jesus.
My tan lines are preposterous.


Hey my drink is nearly empty.
And Sam is on the bus on her way here.
OK yes, the day is looking as though it will improve.

I am totally full of shit and I am comfortable with that.

Fuck Em.

(shout out to Jiwonji)

Lunar things happening

Credit: NASA

In the late night hours of Feb. 20, 2008, a total lunar eclipse will dazzle the night sky. And this lunar eclipse may be worth staying up for, because it will be the last one until December 2010.

A lunar eclipse occurs when the Earth lines up directly between the sun and the moon, casting a shadow over the moon's surface. The February 20, 2008 eclipse will last for nearly 3 and a half hours. For a full 50 minutes of that time the moon will be in totality - the period when the lunar surface is completely covered by the Earth's shadow.

During an eclipse the moon changes color, going from a light gray color to an orange or deep red shade. This is totality. The moon takes on this new color because indirect sunlight is still able to pass through the Earth's atmosphere and cast a glow on the moon.

* a video from lunar eclipse last year in Hawaii



Residents of the Americas, Europe and Africa will have the best view of this eclipse.

Here in the United States, the entire eclipse will be visible for the majority of the country. However, residents on the West Coast will miss out on watching the early stages of the eclipse, as it begins before moonrise.

This Wednesday night, hope for clear skies, try to stay awake and enjoy a spectacular lunar eclipse. Laura Motel
NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center


And now for the part I say is AWES. I am literally shaking with nerd excitement. This is a lunar eclipse in Virgo, my birth sign. I think I just peed in my pants.
Astrologically speaking TADAA:

7:31pm PST 1º 53’
Total Lunar Eclipse
7:26pm PST 1º 50’

This is the Full Moon of healing and service. Virgo understands that disease manifests itself in societies as well as in individuals. There is so much dis-ease in our world and we all need to awaken to our role as healers. This is especially true on this Full Moon in Virgo, with a total lunar eclipse. The soulful, peacemaking Pisces Sun opposes the scientific, nature-based healing Virgo Moon. What a perfect night to release your New Moon in Aquarius intentions for radical change (especially if they revolve around health issues) and celebrate the hard work you have done over the last two weeks toward these goals.

The first lunar eclipse of 2008 is perfectly placed for observers throughout most of the Americas as well as Western Europe. The entire event is visible from South America and most of North America. Western Europe and northwest Africa also see the entire eclipse. Go to NASA’s Eclipse page for more information sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclips...8Feb07A

Eclipses co-mingle the energies of Moon and Sun, often creating disturbing or intensified effects. The Pisces Sun rules a spectrum of experience ranging from pure transcendence, selflessness, unconditional love, to addiction, co-dependency, denial and fantasy. These energies literally cover and hide the energy of the practical, analytical Virgo Moon; veiling this Moon’s clarity and grounded reality-based thinking.

On this Full Moon, the Sun in Pisces opposes the Moon/Saturn conjunction in Virgo. This opposition enlivens the integration of healing through transcendence and attending to bodily health. But it may also bring up more negative feelings of inertia/limitation due to the perfectionism of Virgo and the negations/denials of Pisces.

This year the Moon and Sun are joined respectively by the South Node in Leo and North Node in Aquarius. Along with Pluto in Capricorn (transformation through concrete action) and Mars in Gemini (swift diversified actions) these planets create a powerful mystic rectangle. This configuration requires us to walk the path of mindful inquiry, in a fully-embodied yet open-minded way, in order to realize our unbounded potential. The Venus/Mercury (heart/mind) conjunction and Chiron/Neptune (transcendent healing) in Aquarius provides the fuel for the mind to awaken to Buddha nature. On the other hand, if your agenda is wasting time partying with drugs and alcohol, Saturn in Virgo and Pluto/Jupiter in Capricorn will bring you right back to reality by showing you the true harmful and useless nature of substances.

So let’s talk a bit about Virgo, which most people consider perfectionistic, critical, analytical, organized, discriminating, scientific, empirical, and calculating. In truth, we all express our Virgo side when we strive to be our best. Virgo is the healer, the doctor, the nurse, the teacher, the therapist, the worker, the researcher, the scientist, and the engineer. Virgo is the true healer of the zodiac because in its mind, if it causes pain, it warrants attention and a cure. For Virgo, caring comes in the form of finding workable solutions to everyday problems.

Align your shit!

The general concensus re: February is that it's awful.
All of my friends (I have so many that I can generalize the world population based on their feelings)
are very ho-hum about this month.
It's just not happening. It's the opposite of happening. This month is like 28 Tuesdays all in a row plus lost keys, constant gas, guilt trips, cry fests, losing a fist fight to a midget, and getting dumped every night by your lover. Awes. BFD.

Don't fret my little chicadees, I think it's going to get a little better.
Today is the new moon, thats always a good thing. Good time for making desicions because your logic is as tops as it's gonna get. Yay!

It's technically not a new moon til tonight rocket scientists.
We all still have a few hours to collect ourselves and get our shit in line.
I really hope the awes NYC weather united with cosmic hotness makes life into a pile of steaming butter pancakes with a side of sexual healing and peaceful mind.

Deets:

New Moon in Aquarius
Wednesday, February 6, 7:45 pm PST, 10:45 pm EST

The innovative New Moon in Aquarius brings fresh ideas reminding us that we belong to a global community. Initiating friendships and group projects is a natural inclination now, but letting go of individuals and expectations may come first. That's because this Sun-Moon conjunction is a Solar Eclipse that draws the curtain on outdated ideals and illusions. Dreamy Neptune, mental Mercury and compassionate Chiron are closely conjunct this lunation, making it a rich moment to change your intellectual scenery and alter your place in the community. Release those people and causes that are more mouth than movement, and withdraw from organizations where you find yourself turning in circles. Newly direct Mars is harmoniously aligned with the Aquarian cluster opening fresh paths of inspiration and activity

Draw the curtain on outdated ideals and illusions!
Stop fronting on the cosmos.

Get on tappa that Aquarian cluster!
And no i don't mean those 4 strippers you met afterhours outside Lit waiting for the bus.
Pig.

So as I previously eluded, actually outright said... here is some astrology info a la this Monday morning. I have to preempt by saying that I looooove Rick Levine, the head astrologer at tarot.com as well as stariq.com. If you don't know, now ya know. Pick up a book, hes got like 40 of them. No big deal. I swear to my best friend God, Ricky is the shit. Please google his image, I would post it on here but I would rather you look yourself because I'm not your personal photo assembler. Ok, so here's what sexy old Ricky says for all of us today: (its called an overview, do like Monica said and Don't Take It Personal) Damn who misses Monica? I do I do!

12/10/07—This intense day begins with the Moon joining optimistic Jupiter and passionate Pluto the day prior to an intense conjunction between these two powerhouses. We want to be responsible when the Moon enters ambitious Capricorn at 1:50 pm EST, but it may be impossible to settle down and follow through with our commitments as mental Mercury tensely squares erratic Uranus. Although we are restless, self-discipline may help prevent unexpected consequences.

Ok, so I guess being restless is pretty uncool so be on the lookout. When I think restless, I think of the time I went on this nightmare date, and dude took me to the most cliche "I'm edgy" bars and was straight up wearing the La Lohan head band. He looked like a doughy Egyptian Michael Jackson. He had the quasi fat guy walk. Where like, he sways and sticks out his butt like a baseball player. Forget the money, I would NEVER get on the MLB action simply because of their great big asses. Not gettin on tappa yas? Check.

Alls I know is, let's show discipline. After lunch, get on your fuckin bike and ride like you've got the wings of a pheonix basically. Go get a damn job. If you have one, awes. Lets do dinner.
Either that or go make something cool and artsy for me to hang in my opium den of a dining room. I doubt there will ever be a dine situation at that crackhead looking table.

Re: the NEW MOON.
I've got some questions for Rick....aren't new moons supposed to be cleared air and better vibes? Because I have had the doody vibes for about a week now. I think my friends hate me because I have flaked on every plan I had. Public apology: I was a jerk.


So new moon goes like this here:
This New Moon in Sagittarius marks a break from tradition as the desire for change overcomes the desire to stick with comfortable old habits. Finding small ways to experiment reduces the pressure to make radical moves or get locked down in a futile pattern of resistance to the unfolding future. We are entering unfamiliar territory and the rewards of moving through uncharted waters are excitement, freedom and discovery.

Arthur Loureiro, New Moon Spirit 1888

If you usually have eggs benedict, get the omelette. If you usually use Durex, get Rough Riders. At the very least your man will get a laugh out of it, seeing how skank you are. Opportunities for laughter, thats where its at. Let's all throw in and get an old timey clipper ship and sail the seas of Mystery. Aha perfect segue, it was meant to be. I definitely have to chat on this book I am juuuuust about done reading about pick up artists, in particular the one, the only MYSTERY of VH1 "fame." This guy wears heeled biker boots and faux fur cheetah print floppy hats.These guys are the ill homo nerds but they are getting more clam than diggers. True story.

OK, I'm distracted by the rad jazz music my two year old buster is playing on the other side of the room. This kid is a trip. He just said "Listen Krissy it's like Monsters Inc!"
He's definitely holding down the new moon. Thats where its all swirling around in there.
Freedom and discovery.
Genius.