Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'll be on the steps of the park on Chrystie by Whole Foods. Dying.

I like to start every post by saying I blog less than I used to.

So.
if anyone still reads this bullshit, my sincerest reparations are to come.
And by reparations I mean pictures of things like more babies and other snoozy business.



First of all I want to say Olive is very pretty especially in the glorious sun rays that stream into her new apartment.


We went to an excellent art show situation event whateverthefuck last week and Will was as spastic as I expected. As you can maybe tell from this terrifying photo.
The new me is very coy around men, and every man there was HandsomeGlory so I spent most of the night blushing. This is not a lie, I in fact blush now. I don't know whats going on with me.



I like when there is food and endless booze and a band and dancing and fire escapes and roof access and cute humans.
Hint: all of these things were present
Hint followup: if you sit right by the food, lots of boys will gravitate towards where you are, making it easier to let them get a good look at you.
I employed this tactic for at least an hour.


That art looks like Cisco Adlers balls.


The roof.


Free alcohol leads to dance explosion.

More things happened and then I went to Atl for my sisters baby shower.


Airport humans.


We ate here after the family picked me up.
Something about that is funny to me.


This is my dramatic southern baby shower gear. And face. Theatrics.
Realize how hard it is for me to post this photo.
Everything about it is eyeroll worthy.
But I'll tell you something, I look pretty.
So I'll be that.



My boo in the car.


My boo at the pool.


Right: my sister, 9 months pregnant, baby shower guest of honor
Left: my cousin, 6 months pregnant, her body looks just like mine after I eat cake.
What. The Fuck.









Pule Perty!











I'm pretty sure there is a picture exactly like this from 20 years ago. Aunt Linda holding me and someone else.
Now its Cashen and Kayla.
Also please look at Nancy swimming with a baby panda tube.


These two are a fucking trip.
I'm telling you, the urge to rip your clothes off as much as possible is surely genetic.
I got it from my mom, who got it from Howie and Jess.
Now we have a new flock of nuders.
Nude on.


Oh hey Dad you're funny to me.


I think this is what husbands look like in the south.
By the way, thats not an insult even remotely, what you're seeing here is a great guy.
Whether or not he cuts his sleeves off, hes still radder than most of the assholes I have to look at day in and day out.


Shayla is nearly a year old and this was the first time we met.
She obviously adores me.
She stuck her goldfish crackers in my mouth which for a baby, its like giving you handfuls of god damn rubies.

Had a good time.
It was a short trip
I love my family.
I went home again.


I feel like clouds are getting weirder.

New York.


Philharmonic in Central Park.
Its mostly about the snacks.


The ghost of Krissy sunbathing in Tompkins with Natasha.

Today.
Hung over and tired and gross.
Met Conrad to run uptown and try to get my Vespa going.
It was hot as sin out for real for real.
It melted my zest for life.


Two hours, a jumper cable, a can of gasoline and a coconut water later, C-rad can get the engine to turn over and the bike drives about ten car lengths before it dies.
I feel like I should repay the man for his efforts in life blood or magical potions.
He tried really hard.


This is why I love men so much.
They think shit like this is exciting.
They get their panties all twisted up tinkering with batteries and wires and engines and shit like that.
We shall return with a new battery next week and get this bumblebee looking mother fucker on the road.
PS I've been watching Kenny Powers all day.
My language is atrocious.

I'm exhausted now and I'm off to Atlantic City tomorrow for sexy lady weekend.
Before I go please look at this chinese kid with a heart shaved into his head.
Also his parents were a riot.


All my love, friends.
Exes and Ohs.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

This Is Dedicated To The Ones I Love

tired.
too tired for capital letters.
i got a new tube in my back tire today so i rode around forever an ever with jeylan.
i had my first slurpee of the summer.
two complaints then no more:
1. my chest hurts from breathing all hard on my tiny ass trick bike (ps i forgot what a shitshow going over the manhattan bridge is on one of those little things)
2. i have a fucking throbbing rager of a toof and im scared


Now I can use capitals.
My soulmate/sewlmate Porto's birthday is right nyah.
I love you Stephanie, you make me want to cuddle.
You make me a better woman.
You had me at hello.
Also, you complete me.
Also, I do like the movie Jerry McGuire and I will quote it whenever I damn well please.
What I don't feel like doing yet is uploading the shitty pictures I took from her barbequebe today.
So I will do that tomorrow.

There are things I love other than Stephanie and her birthday:


I love Hiyme and Olive.
I love that they have a new apartment and are my neighbors now.
I love Hiyme staring at this rack thinking about how to make his home more efficient and snazzy.


I love rubber gloves.
I am going to put it right out there and say, I think they feel really sesssssual.
I would wear a rubber leotard.
If that is too much information for you, then my suggestion is this.
Scram.


I love penne, radicchio, baby spinach, pancetta, diced onion, garlic, good olive oil and a little stock.
And fresh grated parm.
And a glass of passionfruit carrot juice.
And pink Himalayan salt.







I 'love' dinner at Pink Pony with happy couples.
Tastes like bitter.
JK seriously I like eating dinner there.
With those people.
Also the 8 other people who were at the table.
It was a big table.
I love big tables?
Yes.
Also a truth, I just decided.


I love how JensRocker looked at her going away party.
I love the lighting on the roof deck thing at The Delancey.
I also love that she is going to go somewhere and try something new, which is brave and smart and free.


I love my niece when we lunch at B Bar.


I love giving her a purple turtle tail.


I love her guilty-ass Oreo ice cream bar face situation.


I love being the one to get her nudies in the fountain at my favorite park.
I also love how much she looks like her mom.
I also love that her mom is my sister and her stomach is hugely preggs again.


I love baby hair.
I love how shes eating.
Again.
For the 18th time.
In like 2 hours.


I love JJ being with my family.
Or being in my family.
Same diff.


I love Mega Beth and how she haggled a bum over long stem rose pricing.
$3?
NO.
2 FOR $5.
THANKS.
I love that I got the other one.
Because it made me feel pretty walking home with it.


I love the way it feels when the x ray tech drapes you with a lead apron.
Weight.
You're like a rock sinking into a river.
It makes me lethargic in the most awesome way.
I've been thinking about it for days actually.
I am pretty sure that puts me at a new level of creepy bordering on serial killer status.
But I would never kill anyone because look at all this shit I love.
I am so full of love that it hurts a little bit.

In a good way.

It is officially time to stop talking.

(PS my other sewlmate. Prince Rogers Nelson. His birthday just ended 33 minutes ago. Holler atcher Jeyhovah Wit. XO)

Monday, December 29, 2008

DAYMARE.

I am never going to Spain.
Why?
Because anywhere that these kinds of things happen and are TAPED and are set to music fit for The Shining, and voice-overed by creeperson creepnuts; I want nothing to do with.

Without further adieu:


I may have to revise my list of the most terrifying predators on earth to include eagles in the top 3.
Previously it went like this:
1. squid
2. wolves
3. sharks

Now I think it should go like this:
1. squid
2. eagles
3. shark/wolf hybrid beast.
Oh my god imagine a fucking SHARKWOLF.
Someone please make a claymation short film called sharkwolf.
Why claymation I don't know.
I guess so I won't pee my pants in fear watching it.

PS if anyone has information about predators who are more efficient or terrifying, its a topic I love discussing.
PPS I already know about the whole violent human hating hippo theory so please don't try to school me like that.
I'm not scared of a fucking hippo.
A. because I doubt I'm going to Africa anytime soon.
and B. because look at this thing.

Oh hi, I'm just a hippo giving snugs to a tortoise.
I like to smile and have pink skin and waddle around looking for wet cool places to take super long naps.


Fact: Jessica the Hippo lives in a god damn house with these whitey white South African folks.
So take that one to the bank.
I know, hippos attack more than any other animal in Africa, but c'mon.
If you were by some dark dirty river and you saw a crocodile and a hippo to your left and to your right, staring at your juicy delicious limbs, which one would you innately run from?
Exactly.

Anyway, thats what I did this evening when I returned home from Jersey.
Went to see Sam and Alex and watched youtubes of scary animals.

Opposite of scary, I found my true spirit animal.
Fainting goats.
They are also called nervous goats, wooden leg goats, Tennessee goats, stiff goats, etc.
AMAZING.
I don't know what is better than goats flipping out and getting frozen leg from a stupid farmer opening an umbrella in their faces.


Oh hi, you startled me.

Have we had enough animals for today?
Great.

Gratuitous portrait time

Samantha gets a lot of profile shots in.
Bee Tee Dubs, I got a haircut.
I hate haircuts almost as much as I hate the smell of coffee.
Almost as much as I hate when kids get yogurt on their hands and then touch you.
EW.

Not Ew.

I like to come back home and see my bestie and eat biscuits and salad and vegetable samosas and have about 4 drinks and then go home and pass out with my cats. With all the lights on.
Then wake up and blog.

PPPS Hi Liv and Hiyme, yes I went to your house when you weren't there and had dinner.
Thats what you get for leaving me here while you go to Mexico.
Fags.

In conclusion, the holiday season is nearly over.
Thank the lord baby jesus for that.
I was over it before it started.
Alls we have left is New Years Eve which I'm already dreading.
Though I am sort of considering going out on the town.
If you would like to know where, I will tell you.
But not on this blog BECAUSE ITS TOP SECRET.
I'm dead serious about that.
Or just dead.

What was I talking about.
Oh so holidays.
I was gonna talk about that, making cookies and hanging out with cute babies and doing family things.
But no one ever cares and I don't think I want to go over it all.
I did meet my nephew Jack for the first time and he is a ham sandwich.


Also a ham sandwich, Nancy Conley.

Thanks mother for making us food and buying us things and for the first Christmas of my life, following directions as to what I actually need.
Frying pans, slippers, nightgowns, candles, and giant books about Prince.
I have returned to the life of an actual Cathy comic.
No doubt.