Whats more special than you? Its me.

One of my biggest problems is not thinking I'm the shit.
I probably should at least within reason.
I'm cute and funny and I win at Scrabble most of the time.
I can cook and I have great hair.
I help people move to new apartments and forgive people when they fuck up.
I take care of babies and I give Fail Dudes a chance as long as they have some heart.

I think B and Kanye are probably the most self assured public figures maybe ever.
I mean really.



On that note, I'm about to go marinate some chicken and have another beer.
Summer afternoons at home are like panda bears burping rainbows into jars and wrapping them up in sparkly bows for your birthday.
(when you open the jar it doesn't smell like burp it smells like strawberry KoolAid)
(or jasmine)

When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I want to be a forester
Run through the moss on high heels
That’s what I’ll do, throwing out boomerang
Waiting for it to come back to me

When I grow up, I want to live near the sea
Crab claws and bottles of rum
That’s what i’ll have staring at the seashell
Waiting for it to embrace me

I put my soul in what I do
Last night I drew a funny man
with dark eyes and a hanging tongue
It goes way bad, I never liked a sad look
From someone who wants to be loved by you

I’m very good with plants
When my friends are away
they let me keep the soil moist
On the seventh day I rest
for a minute or two
then back on my feet and cry for you oooh oh

You’ve got cucumbers on your eyes
Too much time spent on nothing
waiting for a moment to arise
The face in the ceiling and arms too long
I wait for him to catch me

Waiting for you to embrace me



FEVER RAY

*HAPPY SOLSTICE*

Theatrics!

SO MACABRE.



I wish Trent and I could get married in a black forest that smells like density and wilting rose buds :(

Whoops just kidding.

Whoops serious.

Yall thought you knew me.

All the good ones are dead or doing yoga.

I kind of really want to see Stone Temple Pilots in Atlantic City next month.
Maybe to get ready I will pierce my nose the night before and stock up on Manic Panic and get some really bad dope to shoot.
Whoops just kidding.
I'm not kidding about wanting to see them though.



How epic was Unplugged???
I have intense memories of falling in love with Scott Weiland/Eddie Vedder/Kurt Cobain(RIP)/Layne Staley(RIP)

PS MTV Unplugged is coming back according to this music news blog post but its only going to be online and it includes Katy Perry.
Really?
Fuck you, MTV.
If you can not live up to the year of 1993, then just give up already because I hate you.

my sound

I was walking with Nikki and Jeylan the other night in Chinatown and I heard something and I felt like I didn't know where I was all the sudden.
Someone had a windchime hanging on their fire escape and when I felt the wind and heard the sound, all I could see was my mom.
Me and her on the shore staying at a friends condo. Walking in this little cape town together going into these shops where I bought her a present, some little glass thing.
And she bought windchimes.

I suggest you close your eyes for a few minutes.

Whens Lourdes gonna take over?

This video is so hot and this song is so right on and corny!
Madonna was such an idol to me mostly because she has this traditionally masculine element to her...was that some kind of weird defense mechanism? I don't know.
But Pre-kabbalah she was a beacon of sexuality and moxie and liberation.
Who cares? Christopher Walken plays the angel of death!

Sidenote: This song hits amazingly close to home at the moment. I am not scared to admit that. Never scared. Wahhh

Propers/BigUps/Paying Dues/Enjoyable Moments:

1. Go see CAPTURED at Collective Hardware 169 Bowery at 8pm tomorrow.



Ben and Dan are very special people.
Though they are both amazingly annoying, they are certainly driven and talented and awesome and I love them.
So.
That is the reasoning behind going to see their movie.
Support them?
Yes.
Do it.
Or else pay the price of being left out.

2. Crystal Moselle is also a little elf of filmmaking.
appréciez svp:


Bijules 2009 from crystal moselle on Vimeo.

fly over the forest howl at the moon lets do this.

Now onto me.
I have some thoughts today.
Here goes.

Opinion.
It is not ok to wear a half pony tail ever.
Unless you are Kimmy Gibler.

Even then, it serves a very specific purpose which is to make your best friend appear way hotter than she actually is in comparison to you.
There is something so gross about the half pony.
Lets call it the centaur.

Opinion.
I think white americans drink a lot more coffee than black americans.
I am basing this on early morning subway rides to work as well as daily observations of patrons of Le Pain Quoditien/Starbucks/a number of delis on Broadway.
I feel as though I would have to do more research on this topic to have it hold any ground, but then I realized another piece of evidence to support my hypothesis...
black americans on tv don't even seem to drink coffee.
Think Seinfeld, Friends, Frasier etc etc. Coffee drinking. You see it. Plenty.
Now think Family Matters, Martin, Bernie Mac Show etc. Did Carl ever sit around drinking coffee? Tommy? Anyone? I feel like the answer is no.
I mean, if I'm wrong I'm wrong. Which I am. Tons.
But this is something I've been thinking about for days.
Obviously I need a hobby.

Opinion.
Twitter is weird.
I never know if I am saying something worth reading or not.
About every 10-12 minutes during the working day, I refresh the Twitterific application on my phone. I apparently need to see what people I know are doing.
Mind you, most of the people who update constantly are people I don't know such as Shaq and Martha Stewart.
I am finding I experience on odd sense of terror when I don't check twitter.
Do I need to know that Martha Stewwies successfully washed her dogs an hour ago?
Yes.
Yes I do.
And that is the terrifying truth about our web obsessed society.

Opinion.
Seeing Morrissey in concert is absolutely not overrated.
Especially if its at Cargenie Hall.
Even if you are in the nosebleeds.
But I would suggest NOT trying to chug a 12 dollar drink in the hall just because you can't bring it to your seat. That is neither fun nor wise.

helloooooo doooown theeeeeeeruh.

Look at them all!
It felt like church is that bizarre?

Menacholy Moz.

Merry Moz!
Melange of emotion, I'm serious.

Not opinion, fact:
I should be wearing these shoes this spring.
So hopefully 800 dollars will drop from the sky.
Theeeinks!

Alexander Wang.
Alexander Boner more like it.
I would take these subs:





Also Fact:
I have retrieved an original Purple Rain Tour muscle tee of rare design.
That is the only thing that matters now.



Final thought of the day is that if Joanna Newsom does not put out a new album soon, I will start to get frustrated.
There are only so many times I can cry tears of joy listening to Cosmia in the middle of the night.

I am willing to bet you won;t watch this, you meaning everyone, but seeing her perform many times, she totally makes me love the magic of life!
I do not mean that even remotely sarcastically.
STALKER STATUS>
Jk I don't stalk her.
Anymore.
Jk I never did!



Or did I.


Heres another one!
This one literally breaks my heart and puts it back together.
I can't really stand it.


Video day!

Pretty sure I'm always having one of dem days

Hopefully I will return tomorrow after work with some interesting social commentary about my recent activities.
And I will share them with yall.

PS Gingerale is in my top three favorite beverages of all time.
Just a fact nonrelated to anything.

Its like one of those Tshirts people get on vaca that say "No Rulez"

Ugh what a god damn hassle.
Why I am blogging all early is beyond me, I think its because I'm hungry therefor can't sleep therefor must run my mouth in some fashion and it just so happens there is no one to talk to right now.

Sew.
Last night I went to dirty ass stink Bodega in Bushwick, greatest hood in the world second to Chinatown.
Why is Bushwick any good?
Because all you see there is delis and train tracks and shithole buildings that people in their 20s can afford to live in, thats why.
Anydirtbag,
Bodega is precious if you ask me.
Ed is a total dick, so of course he would open an establishment where the 'bar' looks like this:



Good thing Ed is sort of hot, because he also looks like the god damn devil.
Red hair is terrifying in a 'do me' way.
People with red hair always have creep eyeballs and they are typically spastic and completely all over the place at all times.

Satan texts!!!!
(XO Ed)
Sidenote. Ed is a really good hugger, like picks you up to embrace you.
That is something all men should do because it makes girls feel petite and appreciated.
Thats just a tip for you assholes who dun know how to make a lady feel guuuuhd.


It was about 60 degrees yesterday so we got to wear spring gear aka not really coats


The whole reason I went was because Japanther and Spank Rock and Ninjasonik were 'playing' aka making mad noise. But it turns out that shithole is fun probably no matter what?
Basically every three seconds I would turn around and see someone I never see anymore.
AKA dudes I used to see when I had a dumb boyfriend.
Hi Guys!


Hi Peter.


Hi Soner, Hi _____
Friend on the right got all assed out about me taking pictures...
Oh ok, I just won't write your name because you're mad secretive about nothing.
I heart you anyway. Sort of.


Now that I recollect, there were tons and tons of men everywhere.
JK, boys.
You know men don't go to Japanther shows.
Psht.
Oh. More PS.
Shouts to the dumb bitch at the 'door' who fucking threw out my bottle of booze when I re-entered at like midnight after smoking a cigarette.
Hey guess what. I hate you. No one cared when my bag got checked at 930. You're a pain in my ass. Also, this shit is not a Pratt party circa 2002. Chill.

Long story long, me and Mollah and Denise had lots of fun and sort of danced and I fell off of some kind of speaker.
Also MegaBeth showed up looking super hot which kind of annoyed me because then I felt slightly less attractive in general.
(Mega if you're reading this which I know you are, send me those pictures of us you made people take. Theeeinks.)

Speaking of how I looked.

Lets talk about me.
If one more dude has the retardation audacity to comment on my hair I'm going to slam him in the balls.
Just because I am wearing braids does not mean you ever have the right to pull on them
and say any of the following:

"Heeeey Pocahontaaassssss"
"Oh damn Pippi"
"Hey how old are you???"

If you need to get my attention by being a stupid asshole, you simply show me that you are in fact a stupid asshole.
That means I will never touch your dumb body, or pay any mind to you, or give a shit about your presence in my reality. Please grow up and do not approach me, period. I hope that one day you realize girls hate to be annoyed. Well, I lie, girls like to be annoyed, but only when you are being super witty and adorable.
Shout outs to dudes who did not touch my hair. XO!


I think its pretty amazing how prepared we came.
Molleh flask of tequila, Krisseh flask of vodka, D flask of whiskey.
Kidding?
You wish.






Eds gay lover/bear daddy Andy.
Jking they aren't gay they're just 'close'
Andy always makes me smile because hes absurdly short yet macho.
Adorbs.


I am always intrigued with dungeon status.


This was a double U Tee Eff moment where a bunch of flashes went off on other peoples cameras and I was actually capable of sort of documenting the situation upstairs.

Ninjasonik leads to complete anarchy, I think it has something to do with the fact that they are hip black dudes.
It's like a rule, white BK kids have to start thrashing around punching eachother freaking out because they get so absurdly excited about black guys shouting into microphones over nice beats.
I got elbowed maybe 400 times over the course of 10 minutes.

Its really classic of me to leave without saying goodbye to anyone, and Molleh is pretty much the same way so we both randomly skipped out to go home.
Somehow Sam gets worked into that equation and immediately starts bitching about wanting a sandwich.

Screw face complainey snarl.


Then these raging dbags walk in and start saying 'oh hey we were just at the same spot as you wahh wahh wahh meeh mehhhhh mehhhhhhhhhh.'
So Molleh took a picture with them for the sole purpose of me having proof that they are actually wearing Rambo style bandanas with the faces of innocent English schoolboys.
Relax friends, this is not tuff guy territory you don't have to work so hard.
You look like god damn extras for a community production of The Warriors.


I tried to force Sam to get a turkey sandwich which is the cure for all ailments but he was totally stupid and got ham and swiss.
Ew.
I still ate some but thats not the point.
Ham?
Cmon.

Whatever else happened is none of your business because it got all late but heres Molleh with pants that match the walls in her apt buildings baller basement.


Great Job, Wednesday. You really know how to show and improve.

Yoooooo!

Is it much that I feel I need
A solid soul and the blood I bleed
With a little girl, and by my spouse
I only want a proper house

I don't care for fancy things
Or to take part in a precious race
And children cry for the one who has
A real big heart and a father's grace

I don't mean to seem like I care about material things like a social status
I just want four walls and adobe slabs for my girls


Happy Vals girls <3

Get some new ears and teeth

So just want everyone to take a look at this.
This was over Christmas at Adelvises' house. Adelvises' actual name is Adel, he's my mums boif.
Who cares anyway, notice how normal everyone looks. Oh just some moms with their babies, some holiday spirit...
why the FUCK am I making come hither face at a Christmas gathering??
Its not appropriate, it makes no sense, I look scary, who am I.
I have no idea who that person is walking around in tank tops and satin high waisted skirts in the dead of the winter.
Oh my god, grow up.

No one caaaaaaaaaaaares.
Sing that.

Basically I wanna talk about the fact that everyone thinks its some kind of 'dangerous' that Molly and I are hanging out all the time.
Direct Quotes:
Dan Levin : Its like TNT.
FreeCaype: I'm scared.
Sam Caroll: Someone should call social services on you guys for babysitting together.

Actually its only boys who think its scary. SCAWY.
Fuck you guys.
Dun be scared.
Whatever, I get it, I would be scared of some weird bishes who roll up in a bar looking like this

left:Gilly
right: gully
Also, I'm wearing a hat ok, I don't have a bald top of head. Nice 6head, ugliness.
I don't actually think I'm ugly, I'm a babe.
Sidenote, I went on a date last night which is so weird because I don't really go on dates? But its sort of fun, I recommend it. But its a total bummer when theres no SPARK! which there wasn't.
After that I went to Brooklyn ewww and it was fun.
Hi friends! There were friends evrawhur.

I am not doing well telling stories or anything like that today.

Heres a picture in front of a stupid hippie belt/knife/hat store.

We stood there across from a school for about 15 minutes. It was molester looking.
There is no way anything I have to say today is amusing to anyone.
I just really hate that store.
Also, speaking of schools, when you are near a school there is a 50/50 chance of seeing a hot dad and I love that.
We saw a fucking banging dad with a superb mustache today.
I was moderately to highly excited about it.
I am such a mustache lover.

I'm also a Sam Sparro lover.
He is the hottest gay I've ever seen, I want to touch his bodeh.
If I had a genie, I would wish to be a really adorable twink for one day so I could go find Sam Sparro and make out with him!
It would be tasty delish glory glory hallelujah



I listen to this song way too much and it makes me have a 1990sesque dance party with myself. If you're a dj and you have never played this then get with the fucking program because it gets girls wet yo.
Sorry that was so gross.
Actually I'm not sorry at all, deal with it.


This may be the most sexually charged blog I've written in all of time.
Ladybonerz.
Nom Nom Nom

Oh hai...

Its my favorite song right now!
Too bad every time they are performing in new york its sold out in 3 seconds and I don't get tickets.

Nothings fair after that either dummy

I just thought right now of this awesome memory I have about being in a pool.

I think I was between 9 and 11 years old and me and my mom went to Florida to stay in a house, I think it was my great aunt and uncles house...John and Ellen? When my brother was a baby he put their names together and called them "Jellen"
Presh.

Maybe my parents were on their way to splitting up, or basically split up, I would imagine thats how I ended up somewhere alone with my mom.
I was reading this super dramatic young adult book about a fat girl who no one was nice to, and she gave some girls satchels of lavender she made, picked from her yard. Thats how she wooed them.
PS I was reading all kinds of things at that age, but this shit I would still read right now, its like reading OK Magazine.
Girls are 12 forever, that is a fact.

Is it just me or is the girl with the bun looking in the mirror a little fox in the making?
Anyway I spend basically a whole day on a float in a pool inside a screened porch. Reading a book by a lady named Barthe.
The water was the temperature of the air.
Then my mom made tuna sandwiches and they were really good.
I wish I was there right now.

Also, I was a was "here" right now.

This is a picture of me peeing in an alley in like 2004.
Its probably the first time I hung out with Bianca and Stephanie and I don't remember who else because I was drunk.
It was really fun I think?
And it was one of the few times I remember during my relash with youknowwho that I didn't get yelled at for hanging out with girls.
He was a total hater when it came to me making my own friends.
C'est la vie.
Another fun fact about life circa 04...
I was really really good at peepeeing in bottles.
Now that you know everything about my urinating style, I think I can move on.
*Thanks Bianca for sending me all these weird fucking pictures where we were all at least 15 pounds thinner.
Great.
I love being 25.
Awes.


BeeTeeDubbs, what happened to this nigga?

Ugh he is so petite feet feminine step I can't bear it.
Hes like a baby bird.
He really sort of bites my man Prince with all that motorcycle riding and pruning though.

Lets discuss clothes now.
Ebay is currently amazing.
There is so much I want!
But I don't have any money.

Why are all the girls who model vintage dresses on ebay so ana?
I decided it needed a term, so I settled on FauxPosh.
Per examplaaaay-

You look more like Hungry Spice, bish.

Sorry, someone lit some hateration incense in the gyps den tonight.
Smells like Indian food and baby oil.

XO!

Pon de cherry

The Burton/Depp version of Willy Wonka is on right now.
Watching it all I can think of is Michael Jackson and how he's becoming a Muslim and dying of some kind of secret lung disease.
Oooook.

So I need to talk about this asap.
Not Willy Wonka and Jackson, something else.


THIS.

So here's the thing.
I get it that Terry Richardson is talented and loved.
I also get it that models are pretty and make people think about sex and hedonism and excess.
I get that Douchey Fuckerson the Chauvanist Shitbag is in SOME circles seen as a talented film maker.
OK that's great, I can understand exactly who is going to look at this ad and feel invigorated.
They will immediately taste the sting of cocaine dripping down their throat.
They will get a koolguy boner and they will walk out onto the street, long strides in their 250 dollar industrial jeans and second hand motorcycle jacket. They will envision commanding all the pussy of the city.
Come to meeee pussy.
I, like Terry and Vincent and red headed models, I will rule my universe with my balls.
My one of a kind, super prominent figurative balls.

This is where you say, oh hi hater.
Yes I am a total hater.
But on the other hand...

I love vodka.
I drink it in excess.
It makes me laugh and it makes me feel like hot shit and it makes me funnier.
It makes me more interesting and more importantly it makes you more interesting.
So lets say I wasn't a hater.
Lets say I was an icon.
Lets say I was Terry or Vincent or ten times thinner.
I might actually love to do an ad for Belvedere.



So that is what my life is about.
Hating on people and having a hard time admitting that I would do the exact same thing if given the chance to sell out and revel in self-obsession and trend.

We shouldn't kid ourselves.
Par example...
why does facebook or myspace exist?
Oh because we all want everyone else looking at us validating our existence.
I can admit to this because I have a blog. A blog that is strictly about me for the love of christ.
Me all day.
Me all night.
Pictures of me stories about me people who hang out with me things I'm thinking about, ads that bother me on the subway.

I can hardly think about it anymore because Cokey my cat is kneading my stomach with her stupid paws.
And staring in my right eye.

So to get to the point.

Here's a list of things I want more or less of in the new year:

More black nerds. Less white rappers.
*When I say black nerds I mean real nerds who love anime and sci-fi, not short pants/Buddy Holly glasses koolguys in hiding.

More fat chefs, less skinny jean djs.
*When I say fat chefs I literally mean fat chefs.
Thats that new shit.

More gay senior citizens, less Dominican teenage boys in bedazzled gear.
*When I say gay I mean bordering on queen status.

More Ed Koch steez, less Ed Hardy steez.
* When I say Koch steez I mean exactly this.

*and this is the opposite of that.


Its all in the mindset.

More Jewish talk show hosts, less Tyty Baby Banks hosting anything at all.

More Gatorade and antidepressants, less cocaine.

More cats wearing booties, less small dogs wearing mock turtlenecks.


More for real dancehall beats, less of anything off of this album.

*Yes, I was really feeling it for awhile.
No, I do not want to hear you play this shit one more time on your guest dj night at Lit.
*Nor do I want you to ever play A Millie again.
It was fun while it lasted.
Move on.

More airport karaoke, less delays out of Newark.

More Chinatown, less Williamsburg.

More 'bear attacks city", less "dog bites toddlers face"
*violence is never funny or acceptable, but try to tell me that a giant black bear tearing down Wall Street would not be an amazing situation.

More Cosby Couples, less open relationships.


I'm asking for a lot.
Actually thats not the tip of the iceberg really.
I also want my friends in LA to move to New York.
Then I want LA to become it's own country.

I want a good pair of snow boots, and I want those snow overalls for grown-ups that they sell in Kmart and Kmart only.

I want really white teeth, and I want the entire Scorcese history of the blues dvd set.
Along with every season of Six Feet Under. Playing on a projector on my wall at all times.

Last but not least I want some more art.
From you.
I'll buy it.
I won't sell it if you suddenly get hyped because I don't play like that.

And I want happy holidays for all and at least a million dollars so I can buy my apartment and fix the pipes.
I mean that literally, there's no "fixin the pipes" joke to follow.

Much love much hate much everything its yin yang you know.

Last but not least, more polaroids.

(this boy is the whipped cream of humans)

PS my entire Year In Review post will be polaroid heaven.
See you there cronies!

your boy is back

I love this man.
I also love his wife.
Big deal.

REALLY. STOP IT.

I am on one today.

STOP PLAYIN

blues.
really?
yes these are them.

Bee Town

ICYDKNYK (in case you didn't know now you know)

I love everything about this stupid asshole song, especially the dancing in the video.
With the addition of Andy Samburg and JTimbergay and some small round guy (non Horatio Sanz)
its even bettahhh than evahhhhh.

Secret #1: I love laughing.
Secret #2: You're dead.
Secret #3: Sasha Fierce all day/all night/forever/until she gets fat like Tyra. AKA TyTyBaby.

SuhGuh.

Bee skit @ (Nov 15 2008)
Uploaded by thebeyoncenetwork

Wolves part 1 and 2

Its Friday and I was just thinking about how much I've been fighting time away.
I've been beating myself up something serious for not working, for not partying, for not doing much of anything.
I mean its nice to say, "yeah, you know I've been doing me...painting, cleaning, eating, drinking, reading, hanging out with my cats, sleeping, listening to music..."
I find when I say this kind of stuff, the person I'm telling says they wish that's what they were doing.
But I've been treating it like torture really.
I hate not working.
(having no money is really the balls)
And I hate sleeping til noon.
Its weird and it makes me stay up til 5am.
And when you're not partying whats the point of being awake at 5am?

But today I feel a lot better.


And I realized something huge.

If I could be anywhere, it would be on a beach with Dennis Wilson, circa Pacific Ocean Blue.













If I had that thing from Vanilla Sky where you could get frozen and dream whatever you want forever i might choose that. Dennis and me. On a beach. Minus that whole Charles Manson thing.
I mean, in reality, I would choose someone I know I actually love, but that is officially none of your bees.

I still love you

I'm talking to you, hip hop.

Why couldn't 1995 stay forever

Big L Jay Z Freestyle