Thursday, October 16, 2008

Tail Talk

So I'm pretty hyped on the idea of humans having tails.
I have thought about it for a few years now.
I think as a species we could totally use an extra appendage.
I would want a purple one I think.
I was saying to Pam and Olivia and Stephanie (and not really Hiyme)
that I think there would be a lot of markets based around the tail.
Special clothes.
Movies/shows about tail based situations.
Psychiatrists would write all kinds of books about tail theories like WHY people did certain things with their tails, 'tail language' etc.
If you were drunk your tail would droop.
There would be products for tail hygiene.
It would be amazing.
I am absolutely certain there would be creepy tail sex fetishists.
HBO would probably make a torrid series about it in due time.
There would be photographers who based entire series of their work on tail imagery.
There would be a separate realm of molesters called tail touchers.
If I had my tail right now I would swat my cat with it because she has been in my face since the minute I walked in the door.
I would actually swat both my cats with my tail all day long.
We would have tail fights.
I would not fight them when they look like this.


The only really awful thing is that it would be super easy for weirdos to catch you if you had a tail. They could just grab it from behind and drag you away and I'll bet it would hurt.
They would have to make public service announcements telling you to tuck your tail if you're out walking alone at night.

Granted, its been 23 million years since 'we' had tails, but a girl can dream.
And I don't mean I want a fleshy peepee looking thing above my booty

I want like....a long swishy magical looking tail with a little tuft of golden hair at the bottom.
I'm done.

Wait, I'm not done.
Please look at this deformed tiger.

Speaking of deformed.
This is how I feel after I watch politic debates:

In closing, I want to light this guy on fire.

One side of his sign says Will Freestyle Rap For You.
The other says he can read your fortune.
How about freestyle fortune reading?
How about you go jump off a cliff you dirty hippie.

If my shitty attitude left you with a bad taste in your mouth I suggest you watch a video of one of my favorite songs ev.

I'm hardly kidding.

You know you're cry-smiling.

1 comment:

Samantha West said...

ooooohhhhthat was a good one.

Totally torrid, tempestuous, and tormented, tall tales of terrific, twisted, trailing, tasty, tuggable, tails, in Taiwan. Or maybe Texas.