Monday, October 6, 2008

Hands off the glass jerk

I don't even want to type it, thats how fucking tiiiiired I am of being it and thinking about it.
I'm still sick.
Yes, fine, I cheated and got drunk twice in the middle which I'm pretty sure held back my recovery.
I also went a little further than being drunk on one occasion, but you know how that goes.
I went to work.
I walked around outside.
Etc Etc.
So really its no ones fault but mine.
And Gods.
God you really get under my skin sometimes.

Speaking of getting under skin, I hate when I get told news that is so old I almost forgot I knew.
Like Sterp IMing me that Andy Samberg and Joanna Newsom are dating.

Did you think I don't google my favorite singer about once a week in a mildly starker-esque fashion?
PS on that, I think they make the weirdest couple EVER and I want to see pictures of them dressing up in an apartment singing parody songs of eachothers material.
Please and thanks.
Also if you have no idea who either one of those people are, I suggest you get out of town.

Moving on.

How do I transition into telling about something that actually happened?
Its hard to do that.
Via blog.
In real life I just wave my hand in the air and start my new story with my voice a little louder that necessary.


Friday my mum was here to celebrate her birthday (whisper the number 53 thats how old she is. if you don't whisper it a hot mom fairy dies, did you know that??)

She wanted to go to Lil Frankies because I basically rub it in her face every time we speak that I'm eating like a queen on the days I work for Mr P.
She wanted to test the menu.
She OBVIOUSLY loved it because its good!
I want to stir a giant steaming vat of his spinach gniocchi and take little bites forever whenever I'm moderately hungry. until I die.
Great plan!
I could have a gniocchi backback! (Sterile obviously) that has a little side opening and a small spoon pocket, actually a spork would be way better.

So back to that other stuff, my mum came downtown, and we walked around for awhile.
She asked me 'people who have cars' questions like "How many blocks are we walking? 4? 10? Are we taking a car to dinner? We are, right?"
It was nice though, fall is definitely in effect, but somehow the summer stink of fish in Chinatown lingers. Great.

So yeah.

This is my mother looking absurdly cute!
She doesn't really smile for pictures.
My smirk comes directly from her.

Hey almost smiling.

Pam joined us because her and my mum are friends too!
She brought her camera thank god because I absolutely suck if you hadn't yet noticed.

Smile at Pam...
Ok now turn to me...

Heeeey loosey goosey!
"I'll just have 2!"
No, no you will not, I demand you have at least three for funny memory's sake.

You may think I'm being totally disrespectful posting this picture of my mums fantastic boob area.
I'm not because the thing is, she LOVES this picture.
She asked me to see it twice.
I have never met someone who loves their boobies more than Nan.

It was around boob picture time that I went outside to smoke and whoooo is there?
Mr P my boss!
So I had to take him inside to meet the creature who done birthed me, and he definitely made her day by saying we could be sisters.
And then they discussed how she feels 25 and he feels 15.
It was very weird for me.

This is how my face looked for the next half hour or so.

I'm telling you, there is nothing better for curbing cold symptoms than 4 or 5 vodkas, that shit is no joke.
Jeylanjim was hanging around in her work clothes aka zebra leggings, black tee, ankle boots and stone washed Wrangler denim jacket.
Straight Jersey for life obvi.

Her and Pam molested eachother for unknown reasons.

Nan and JJones go way back
Party hard, lushes.

OK, at this point you can totally judge me, I would too.
I still KIIIIIND OOOOF think its exciting seeing Mark Ronson at EVR.
That is the kind of person I am, get over it.
Cause really?
Doesn't he have other shit to be doing?
Maybe not, and thats GREAT.

I also lit that cigarette hes smoking.
Claim to fame.
When me and that half a fag get married, you can all eat. your. words.
JK I would never marry a halfie for one, and for two, hes yey big (I'm making a wee space between my thumb and index finger)
Also, I'm not really on the market.
I know I know stop crying.

I hate everything about every word I just typed.
I just Love men who liiive and breathe music!
Its the best.

Men who love music are cuter than my cats when I turn the faucet on.

Long story long, I love you Mumsel.
I am sorry for getting this drunk by the time we got back to my place:

samantha west photo creds as uj

Can you smell the booze through this photograph?

But I had so much fun until the next morning when I remembered the terror that is the state of my sinuses.

xo Mum
no xos for you Obligatory Season Change Cold


Kate said...

crap, some of us readers have a lot of catching up to do. crap and yay!

Anonymous said...

I didn't even read your article beyond the Joanna Newsom is dating xxxxxx...

I'm gutted. Who is he? I'll fight him.

victor said...

Samantha was cute

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, You dont know who Andy Samberg is? REALLLLLLY? SERIOUSLY? do you live under a rock on another planet? Or are you just stupid?

By the way, Victor, FUCK YOU!!!

Anonymous said...

Joanna Newsom is one of those self-celebratory hipsters, the kind who seem to do little else besides pose for "artsy" photographs with the intention of looking mysterious and vaguely interesting.

You know, "Notice me in this contemplative pose, which suggests just enough for you to be fascinated by me while knowing you could never fully understand me. No one can EVER understand what it's like to be me."

And of course, that's the kind of pursuit typically enjoyed by trust fund kids and pseudo-celebrities who live in places like Brooklyn.

So it makes sense that a Jew like Andy Samberg -- who is not funny and appears on TV purely because of connections -- would pursue a woman like this.

He probably spurts bucketloads of jizz just thinking about how mysterious and fabulous he and Newsom will look when they're photographed together walking through Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

Fuck trust fund kids, and fuck the wealthy little Jewish cunts like Samberg who seem to get everything by virtue of being the children of wealthy Jews.

Anonymous said...

1st, love your blog
2nd, just to counterbalance and retort the vomited bile that is last anonymous's comment, joanna newsom has more talent than anyone, ever, and is seriously accomplished for someone of any age let alone someone not yet 30, so take yourself a cue and try not to be so worthless, or of course, you could hurry up and die (maybe you'll have talent in the next incarnation).