Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Jesus loves porn too.

Ugh I love Heineken.
I deserve it I walked 6.5 miles today. Lay off.

So yeah, good tale, good tale.
Yesterday I'm DEEEEAD asleep on the M15, really close to home by the time I wake up, I'm right around Grand and Allen.
OVER the sound of my ipod gently playing my nappy nap playlist, I hear extremely excited Chinese chatter. OK, nothing new, I live in CHINATOWN.
Not the point.
I can tell without even cracking an eyelid that one of the conversationalists is def a white girl. I don't know how I can tell, just can.
So yeah, abnormal to the maximum.
I am so disturbed by the volume of her voice. Shes talking to a crotchety old guy with a serious lost and found type get up on. I think he's wearing lady pants.
I am now in nosy mode.
I still look like a sleeping underground rodent though, I have rain hair and dark eye syndrome. I probably looked stoned. I wasn't.
Anyway, weird white girl is staring at me. Like gently. I assume shes just another lady lover, they are all super into me. I don't lie about this.
No.
She looks at me with this fucking genuine smile and says, "You know...you look like a princess! Your hair and your pretty face!!"
Exclamations necessary, this chick is amped.
She looks exactly like Topanga from Boy Meets World. And sounds like her. She is a robot sent to Earth to kiss babies and organize potlucks and when she frowns the angels weep.
OK so I def don't get it.
Then suddenly she reveals herself.
She sits down next to me, I'm literally rubbing the funk and death from my face guuhhhhhh and shes asking me what I do, where I live, how old I am. Um, duh, RELIGIOUS ZEALOT.
Now I'm onto her but I play along for blog material's sake. Jaja!
Yay play along time!
So I ask how she knows fluent Chinese. She tells me she just came to NYC from Hong Kong where she was a fucking missionary. She just "picked it up."
Now I ask where shes from.
You know the answer.
UTAH.
Hm ya don't say.
Now for the gold. Oh, so, whats your denomination?
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Now that the cats out of the bag, she gives me the Jesus speech. She looks so happy she could pee herself.
Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then she asks for my phone number and gives me a Jesus card.
WOW. Amazing. I felt like I was talking to the Tom Cruise of Mormons. Recruit, recruit, come to the lord!!!!
It was amazing.



So yeah, I love the bus.

In related news, tomorrow is yet another celebration of cock, a Playgirl party!! Sex toys!

Yours truly will certainly be in attendance, and will of course give the deets.
Corrine, I love your job. And I love these parties. They are full of sassy bitches and bad dancers. And creepy decorations.
And once again, its a Happy Endings, I don't know why but its all so fitting.

I would like to share this with the universe. Little O has been wearing a superman shirt for days and I want to absorb his cuteness and swim in it like a pool of glorious magical unicorn peepee. Thats exactly how I feel about it.

The universe is simply a pile of sadness without people like him.
I think we should all get real jobs and hubbies and pump some of these out with a quickness.
Yay growing up!

1 comment:

Jeylan said...

PlayGirl Predictions: Holler to....(predicting name of fine young (or old) gentleman I will meet at the playgirl party b/c he thinks it's quirky to go and dance with young fag hags will be) Dominic. Hi Dominic, I'm Jeylan wanna go make out then go back to my place? JK I don't have a place but Krissy has a 7 ft couch, you can have a ft of it. that's how I roll. Sorry Dom.