Its been a long time I shunna left you
Colorado was weird.
It was a good time though, aside from the elevation sickness/hangover from the devil my final day.
There is a downside to cheap(er than New York) shots of Petron.
I'll give you a hint.
It has to do with vomit.
Try to work that out 10,000 feet above sea level.
Or whatever it is.
Strangely enough, I still use my very expired NJ State ID to travel.
And to get into bars.
It does not look like me which annoys official type people.
Please note the word Elite on my ticket.
I am only Elite because my mom is nice enough to fly us first class.
Shes a great person.
She is also balling sometimes.
So Seany and I had some whiskey and we arrived pretty much in no time.
Got to Denver and found out everyone there has half a brain because most of the people I saw were wearing flip flops.
Or in this case, slippers and pajamas with no jacket.
We had to drive way yonder to the hotel in Colorado Springs, the Broadmoor.
Wasps meet the mountains.
Seany was reading Hemingway on the plane so I made him post up for the perfect photo moment in the sitting room by the lobby.
Sometimes I look at him and I see him as 6 years old.
But never 19.
When you swats them.
My PopPop used to walk around with a fly swatter pretty much all the time.
It was really cute.
He also wore a bucket type golfers hat.
He was a supporting-character-who-everyone-loves-in-a-comedic-film waiting to happen.
So yeah, The Broadmoor is a pretty place, its strangely gigantic for being out in whereverthefuck. Its just sitting on a lake and people seem to just go there to RELAX.
I'm a shitty relaxer but I really did try.
Also...there were about 400 dogs there. Everyone brought their dog!
I find that weird and not cute. But I'm a cat lady so there you have it.
Kayla makes an excellent alarm clock bright and early in the morning.
Please get used to photos of my niece.
You will see about 50 of them in this post alone.
She likes to do bossy things like open patio doors and move things around and hand things to my brother and say "Heeah Shann Heeah!" (here Sean, here)
Shes sort of totes perf.
I think she looks semi Chinese but when I say that to my sister she gets mad so I probably won't say it anymore.
TDay we just walked around the property and had afternoon cocktail time and saw rad things like horsey sculptures
The hall of fame was about a mile long.
I think famous people like the place.
James Brown is usually a sex machine.
The lake looks pretty magical.
Dressing for Thanksgiving dinner is fun!
It's easier for babies because someone else picks their outfit
Daddy don't look at me that way
Kayla always says 'peees" and 'tank tuuu" because she has awesome manners.
Aside from this moment of picking her nails at the dinner table with a butter knife.
The food was really delish.
We sat outside by the fire pit for awhile and got more drinks and it was Comforting Memories.
The next morning we ran a few errands then went to Pikes Peak, some place where you take a train up a mountain.
Saw these dogs.
They were filthy and happy.
Just as animals should be.
On the train going up the mountain.
The conductor told horrible jokes.
We went up really high.
It was beautiful.
Not much else to say about that.
Are you there God?
Nancy having deep thoughts
So you get to the top...
and its basically antartica.
You can't really get pictures of anything because its all white.
So I took a picture of the red train.
There was serious gale wind force and it's not really that fun.
Nothing lives up there except for a few herds of little ram looking things who apparently eat lichen off rocks.
This is boring me.
We did more things in the cold.
Then we went to bed I'll bet.
I was on some 7pm yawn and snuggle shit.
Saturday we rode horses.
Thats really all I care about.
It was really the spot. Look how cute.
Gay horses eat ha-eeey.
Buttermilk was my horse.
We bonded a little bit.
Butters looks a little ragged but is lovable.
Observe the side-eye ice grill courtesy of the horse on the right
Don't mind the entourage.
I realize my mom is going to hate this but she is starting to resemble her father.
AKA Grandpa Howie.
This picture is very Howie-esque.
Fine yes I look 5 years old in photos.
But this is proof that my sister does as well.
I think its a genetic retardation.
Here are some elk creatures.
We had an amazing guide, by the way.
She was very into just taking off like the wind.
Up rocky mountainside trails.
On ten year old horses.
They really love to just open up and gallop off into the unknown.
It is horribly exhilerating.
I advise sitting on a horse holding on for your dear life.
As often as possible.
Such fun. They are like motorcycles that breathe and whinny.
Also they have souls.
Saying things like
"thats a nice breeze"
Until they are so true that you just find them flying out of your mouth.
Down the mountain again we dropped off our rides and went inside to put on hats and act like faggetron tourists.
I only do Stetson.
There are some occasions where you have to get super serious and stretch out.
It's just kind of a given.
I'm pretty sure you're wondering where I get my pose inspirations from.
The answer to that is TyTy baby and her endless barrage of tranny-esque mall rats from America's Next top Model.
As I was saying.
Best guide ever.
She is really doing her own thing if you can't tell.
If you're blind.
We got driven back into town and headed for Manitou Springs which is showcasing some serious graffiti, son!
This is what hippies build with their tax money.
We did some shopping.
All I bought was a little stone carving for my Complicated One.
If you're special to someone show them they are special to you too.
That right there is about as sentimental as I get.
We went to dinner at a fantastic tavern place.
This is their sign.
This is where it all goes to shit basically.
I am so amused by this stupid bar that I get wasted within about 2 hours.
I started with these.
Tequila sunrise in a pint glass.
There is a reason why I only drink out of short glasses.
Because it creates sort of version of control over my alcohol consumption.
Before passing out on a bench, the following things happened I think:
My niece played the bongos
I made nice with an old hobbit in a top hat named Jackson Brown
Chatted with a lawyer and a witch named Miss Hildy.
Asked a dirty backpack dishwasher to do something funny for me.
This is his version of funny.
Asked this guy a bunch of questions about Colorado and decided he looks like the guy from Sideways.
The whole thing was a blast until I realized I was fall over drunk.
We took a cab back to the hotel and that is the end of that.
Heading out for the airport the next morning we drove through a very gay blizzard.
It ruined everything and kept us in the car for nearly 5 hours.
I puked for 2 of those 5 hours.
Finally in Denver, I realize how bad I wanna go home.
This is not really the place for me.
I missed my cats and my friends and my bed and Complicated One.
I missed Frank and Toms Pizza and Gil at the deli.
I missed everything basically.
It was a good trip.
My sister rolled over in the hotel bed one night and whispered, "do you wanna talk?"
I peed myself laughing remembering how we shared a bed by choice for years and years.
One of us would check if the other was going to sleep with that exact sentence. Memories!
Now that I've gotten all this shit out of the way I can go back to blogging about things that don't matter in other words shit about me.
slightly more xo New York.