Thursday, September 11, 2008

You are miserable.

That's an exact quote sent via text message from my old roommate!
How amazing!

Let me just mention that if anyone is miserable its the person who had to leave New York to go move back in with their parents!

BAHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What matters here is that there are a lot of people in the world who are totally overwhelmingly stupid.
No, you can't move out 2 days before rent is due with NO NOTICE and think that is reasonable.
No, you can not leave your old sneakers and milk crates and spray paint and relics of your stupid bunghole life all over my home.
I will tell you why.
Because this is not a crackden, despite what you may have thought. Its a GYPSY den.
Gypsies are not pigs, they are just weirdos with mismatched furniture and questionable taste.
They steal sometimes, but not for FUN.
Anyway I don't condone stealing, just want to say that.
So what I had stolen from me was this months rent essentially.
Not that it matters because I'm balling.
But you know, I'm a huge fan of treat others how you want to be treated.
People that assume you have their back are always snakes, you feel me?
I don't owe anyone anything, friends. I could just be a total selfish asshole whenever I want, but I don't because I am both afraid of, and respecting towards the idea of Karma.

Last time I checked, everyone in the universe knows that if you spill black paint all over a floor that is common space, you have to clean it up.
Everyone also knows that I have never given birth to anyone so I should not have to play mommy. I have plenty of time set aside for that later.
That being said, when this kid comes back to New York, do not let his ass in.
Sidenote: every one of my girlfriends who has either "dated" or lived with a graf writer knows the truth.
Their hearts belong to the streets. Literally. You can try to get them to buy their own toothpaste and clean up the dishes and turn off the music at 3 am but its a toughie. The stink of spray paint will forever rape your nostrils and they are the kind of men who throw condoms on your nice rug afterwards instead of just getting up and putting it in the trash.
I think I am combining about 5 awful experiences and making it into one complaint.
Fuck that guy StreetRunners of New York Edition!

This generalization also loosely applies to the following:
1. guys in bands (omitting about 10 guys in bands who are not FROM New York City)
2. guys over 32 who have never been engaged
3. guys who say "make art" when you ask what do you do
4. guys who say "whatever" when you ask what do you do
5. guys who still go to Max Fish and get shitfaced until closing. At least 3 times a week.

Meaning I should probably start hanging out in Chelsea or Tribeca or something, because I am officially oooooover iiiiiiit.

I would like to speak for the rest of the downtown and also brooklyn female population when I say GROW UP ALREADY.
Just do it seriously, its gonna feel soooo good! You can go around bragging that you actually pay bills on the first and that you haven't given someone an STD in like, MONTHS!
Amazing idea, no?

Yes.

Now, as the perfect picture of maturity, I am going out to buy some new purple eyeliner and maybe I will get one of those on sale dvds they have at the register.
I am willing to bet they have some shit like Captain Ron Collectors Edition.
That and Pure Luck.



PS
Congratulations Samantha West for your show in Philly I wish I could have been there to stand with your dad in front of a naked portrait of myself.


PPS
I hate this blog I hate being judgemental I hate shaving my legs but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do

PPPS
Fuck fashion week.
Ugliest model ever.


PPPPS
(looks in mirror)
Hi, Hater!

3 comments:

Kate said...

i love your blog, and i love this post.

line about crackden vs. gypsy den: genius.

lines about "also applies to never-engaged guys over 32, guys who make art or do whatever...": genius.

thanks, ms. krissy. sorry about your shithead exroommate. and i have my own stories of streetrunners... sigh.

Annabelle said...

Hi, Hater!!!!!!!

Annabelle said...

I secretly LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!!1