Friday, August 22, 2008

I've asked what day it is twice.

I want to send a shout out to tequila.
Hey tequila!
You're a jerk!

So.
I was in Jersey at a spa Thursday then had a few panic attacks for no reason.
I got a massage, had an awesome lunch, went swimming, walked on the beach... (all courtesy of my awesome mom)

How is any of that not fantastic?
I'll tell you.


Resting makes me fucking nuts, thats the problem.
I mostly panicked on the ferry on the way back into the city because I could see the buildings on the horizon and had the worst case of acute separation anxiety ever.
I hate leaving home.
Its becoming a problem for me because I really want to travel, its just that when I do, I feel like my heart may very well explode.
All I see in my mind is my apartment and my block and the F train and my corner store and my bedroom window. and my cats and my friends.
It sounds like I am in love.
I am.
Totally.
Just not with a person.
With a life.

It felt awesome to get in a cab and say "just take south street down then a left on Market"
Then I could sort of breathe again.
I showered and got dressed in about 6 minutes because I am supes low maints.
Met Liv and Hiyme and Erman for some margaritas at their "spot."
L and H are apparently the kind of couple now who has a "spot."
Our waiter gave us some tequila shots and I should have seen impending doom at that very moment, but I didn't.
Oh hindsight, you ballbusting shitfucker.

TBones came and met us and nearly got run over by a car.
She wanted us to go to a place on Ludlow where there were free pina coladas.
That is the grossest stupidest thing I've ever heard, but thats ok.

I saw this sticker in the bathroom


I also think it was at that bar where I was outside smoking with Erman and saw the best think ever.
An old jailbird looking garbage man.
Doing push ups in the middle of the street.
While the other two garbage men took care of all the actual trash.
He was really souped up when I took a picture of him I think it probably gave him a boner



Then I chatted with the gem of a gal who owns the bar and she is a winner.
She gave me some free booze, more tequila thanks very much, and we chatted about how awesome it is that people actually open bars and restaurants and don't immediately fail.
There is basically endless competition in that arena in the city, I have no idea how people do it.
Maybe I should ask the guy I work for.
But I think if I did, he would say something completely vague like, "you just gotta get your SHIT right THATS what you do. and you have to be the fucking BOSS"
He would say this, not looking at me, texting 83 people on his iphone at once.
Awesome.

Speaking of iphones, I am getting one in 6 days.
I feel like the world must be coming to an end because I never thought I would go there.
I feel like I have joined the evil team in junior high gym class. The one who takes softball really serious and yells at you for not trying hard enough and asks you if you even know what a shortstop is supposed to do.
No I don't know and I don't care and I hate you.
How do these people relate to iphone people?
I just feel like I don't belong, thats what I'm saying.
I feel like an outsider and all the iphoners will be like ugh retard, she doesn't even have her calendar uploaded or use her blah blah widget.
I'll use simple widgets only thank you very much and typing the world widget makes me Pim (puke in mouth)

I think I was talking about last night and tequila.
So I drank some.
We left the bar on Ludlow and went to the fish for some retarded reason.
Every time i go there I end up arguing with some little skate rat fuckyface and threatening to kick his ass for talking shit.
Last night I didn't yell at anyone though, I think I just got drunker and then disappeared. I've been doing that a lot lately, just walking out of places, and a friend will catch me out the corner of their eye and be like, "where the fuck do you think you're going?"
Then I say something thats a lie like "I'll be right back" and take a cab home.
I also usually don't remember why it is I left.
Last night was one of those.
You know you're in trouble when you find yourself by Crown Chicken buying 25 cent toys from the machine and mingling with the dealers in front of the deli.
They are also like 14 years old but at least they're congenial.
I've decided its a good idea for me to omit all activity taking place between midnight and 5 am on my blog because to be honest, they are none of your god damn business.
Don't be naive.

Anyway I had some phone drama, I had some friend drama, (mainly that I'm a bad one) I had some cat drama (they have been dragging chicken out of the garbage those savages) and I had some sleep drama. Meaning I had trouble sleeping.

Part of the reason I couldn't sleep was because I fucked up and my little Yolac was meant to stay over and I left her hanging by accident.


Hey I'm sorry I suck.
Thats a cute picture.
Did I say I was sorry?
Because I am.


And tomorrow is work for me instead of a lovely little vaca in St James.
I am very sad I can't go.
I wanted to swim in a pool and lay on Sam and eat Olivias salads and do cartwheels and complain about things to Hiyme. I wanted to tell jokes to Denise and become super friends with Erman. But noooooooo.
Its ok I need money.
It looks like I have taken on the new life role of Lady Moneybags because I am basically wiping my booty with 20 dollar bills.

By the way, I'm caught up to all the women of the universe by finally having watched the Sex and the City movie.
Hey, is it June?
No its August.
Sorry I take awhile.
I still have not seen the Dark Knight.
I know.
I KNOW.

Anyway, I thought it was rad because I have a vagine.
I seriously cried like a baby when Carrie comes running out of the car, and Big gets out of his car, and he's just left her at the alter (HELLLLLLO EVERY WOMANS NIGHTMARE)
cause hes too scared to man up and get his marrying on...
And you think maybe he will say sorry and she will let him say he didn't mean to do it to her, but NO.
She bugs out and starts beating the living shit out of him with flowers and then Miranda and Charlotte come running over and everyone is crying and its just WHEEEEW!
Ugh I was totally overwhelmed.


The look on that horse face of hers is truly heartbreaking.
What a horror.
If anyone ever does that to me I think I will actually just die on the spot.

But truthies, the saddest part for me was not seeing Richard Wrights sexy old man ass.
I wish Samantha had stayed with him so I could drool over his leering dirtbag creepiness.

I want to stick my tongue between his gap teef.
Remember when he was in Warriors!?


James Remar, you fox.

Its Saturday at 1030 pm and I have to go to bed.

2 comments:

Annabelle ... n shit said...

I never thought I'd ever watch the Sex & the City Movie. Ever.

But I did, with my TV blogger friend who suggested we go see it opening weekend.

We both cried the entire movie through, yet maintain that it's the worst movie ever. Ambivalent much?

I attribute my sobfest to the fact that I want to get married in a beautiful library.

I've yet to see the Dark Knight.
I know.
I KNOW.

kate c. said...

i hear you re: leaving-home anxiety. i have it in spades, but i'm living in two cities for a while and am having to learn to pick up and go without a meltdown every time. how's that working for me? ummm...

that photo at the end really takes a girl by surprise. whoaz.