Monday, August 25, 2008

Boo!bs!

So I really want to do Fuck That Guy tonight but I can't because I don't feel angry at all just really wound up.
My weekend consisted only of working so my ACTUAL weekend begins tomorrow afternoon yesssssssssss.
Fuck That Guy will be so so good but I can't talk about it because then you will get excited then feel let down then hate me then I will have to slit my femoral artery (not my wrists because it takes too long and I would probably call 911 before I passed out and that would be a shit sack of medical bills for nothing)

So yeah, point of the last couple days is that I am having quarterlife crisis.
Big fucking deal I'm turning 25 soonish.
It has translated into a couple of very retarded behaviors.
One.
I am saving 5 dollar bills in a money clip.
i cannot spend any 5 dollar bills that cross my hands.
I have been doing this for a month and I have 170 dollars.
OK I cheated and put a couple of 20s in, but fuck you I'm just trying to feel good about myself.
"Saving for a rainy day!"
Why don't people save for a sunny day when they need money to go out and buy 8 margaritas and rage out.
Don't know.
Logic is dead.

Why am I saving money?
Just in case I want to stop playing teenager and have a savings account.
Psht.

Two.
The saving money thing is directly related to, but also independant of....
Fixing this apartment of mine.
No it is not mine, i did not purchase it.
Who do you think I am fucking Daddy Warbucks?
That guy by the way looks like he smells like dog shit.
When I see bald men I think of bad smells, specifically animal poop.
I will tell you why.
Because of the bald dad from Mallrats who gets doodoo on his hands from the whole Jason Lee chocolate pretzel prank.
When I say pretzel in my mind I say it like pretzal and it makes me laugh so much internally. Sometimes when I pass food carts on the street and I see said product, I laugh out loud at my pronunciation and people think I'm a slow person.
Slowbaby!

Wait so I was talking about fixing the apartment I do not now, nor will ever own. (Maybe I will who the fuck knows)
Anyway it is a haggard den of sex and cat naps.
And pizza eating.
Etc. Etc.
Looks how it sounds.
But ps I have decided I am painting, getting new rugs, and getting new light fixtures.
All before my birthday AHEM September the Fifth.
How will I do this you ask?
Oh.
With all my time off.
And with sheer willpower.
And tears.
And midget migrant workers.
Who will be paid in french kisses and shots of well tequila.
JKJKJKJKJK!

I want everything in here to go from resembling a log cabin to resembling a ship which (I have been told it feels like somehow)
I begin here:



Yeah?
No?
I'm doing it anyway.
So fuck off.

I also think I'm going to paint some wall and or doors and or floors in here purple.
Though that has no connection to shippage, that is not the point.
Its a feeling I'm shooting for.
Jesus.

So basically I am about to spend all of those 5s I painstakingly put into the najavo eagle money clip this month.
And no one even cares what my apartment looks like except for me.

This is becoming a very boring topic very quickly.

How about something else.
I was talking to LA Jew Jash on video chat and we were taking SnapShats!!! of mustaches and boo!bs! and all kinds of fun things.
I don;t like the time diff though because its always super bright in the room hes in and super dark in mine.
But the darkness in my room is totally permanent, my walls might as well seep sounds of The Cure.
Frooooowwwwwwn.
(thats how I like it I'm not even sad so keep your faggy judgements to collective selves)
Selves = elves = Lord of the Rings = best movies ever = did you notice that hobbits eat all the time and they have a meal called ELEVENSIES aka eating at 11 am between breakfast and lunch.

I want to start taking breaks at work called elevensies!

I was talking about Jash.


Googer Tooth comparing


Pink Glitter Dildo invasions

Who cares not interesting except with my eyeliner moo-sta-shiehhhh (saying it like that is better)
makes me look exactly like the purple pie man of porcupine peak


if you don't know you really better ax somebady

Jash makes me laugh the end.
He does this thing where he comes into the camera view from the side like hes climbing a mountain.
Great.


I have to go back to watching Six Feet Under Season 2 and having a total love hate relationship with the fact that I wish i lived in that show.
Not really but really.
Totes Freals.

3 comments:

Annabelle said...

Two things.

a) I feel you. My bday is Sept. 22 and I am shvitzing like I'm in the Suh-hair-uh!

I've been trying to be "productive," but I always end up on my friend's couch watching Pretty Woman, yelling, blogging and/or drinking beer (usually a combination of two or three of those).

b) http://holahater.blogspot.com/

You're welcome.

miss corinne said...

I'm shocked you didn't mention if that dildo came (zing!) from me, and then didn't ALSO mention that I'm a bitch/asshole or whatever adj usually comes up when corinne/playgirl/ne'erdowell is mentioned.

P.S. I like Josh's molestache...molesty.

kate said...

happy early bday. hope you get some pony pictures.