I am taking requests always and forever, if you want to suggest a subject for Fuck that Guy, I'll do it!
As long as we never have to do a Fuck that Guy on Tom Cruise because my head would explode.
I hate him so much that the post would go on for infinity and time space would warp and implode on all of us.
Serio.
Cheerio.
Don't put Cheerios in milk because they are way better dry don't fuck with perfection.
Along the same lines, Brooke Hogan should never get surgery because she is so gorgeous and pure the way she was born.
I bet her dick is buttery soft.
Last night was fun funny fun like a French clown. Ew french clowns!
It was nothing like that actually.
Jeylan and Crystal celebrated their bdays together in the radical sublet Jeylan has scored over by the Williamsburg Bridge.
Heres the thing.
I have zero pictures of anything from the evening.
First of all I didn't get there til 1030 and it was too dark up in that shit.
Secondies I was too busy enjoying myself to worry about that.
Jeylan is very awesome despite the fact that we enjoy being horrible to each other in many circumstances.
In a way, I want to write a long boring blog about how we went to high school together and the funny things we did and how she was my first lady roommate ever (along with Dragonball Z Duffy) and how we like to dance together and laugh way too loud and be inside jokey. Also how she somehow pops up at every important time in my life. Pop! Oh hi JJ!
PfuckingS. Her name to me is JJ, this whole Jeylan thing still confuses me. But thats what the city of New York calls her so I must too I suppose.
I don't know how else to say it, but JJ I love you girl and don't believe me when I say you're a so-and-so bitchface whatever the fuck.
Which we have said about eachother.
A minimum of 8 trillion times.
Now thats the mark of girls who grew up together.
Hate and love, mostly love, all swirling in a pot of boiling friendship.
I should be a Wiccan.
I would get to wear velvet all the time and my long raggedy hair would make total sense.
I was very happy to bring my (newer) girlfriends to mesh with one of my oldest and dearest.
And I liked seeing Alex on mushrooms calling Stephanie a panther.
And I loved Crystals CryBaby styled outfit.
I loved seeing Mr Kimmel with his hilarious chest hair, and telling everyone about how he used to ask me to make out with him when he was like 14 and we would get stoned in his room. This story will never get old or die.
I loved seeing some weird drunk girl on the roof trying to sing accapella because there were boys standing around watching her. She also rapped and told sexist/racist jokes. Hi neediness, welcome to the party. Can you please shut the fuck up thanks.
How much validation can one woman need? I'm pretty sure I was rude to her, but you know, I try. I try to be nice and usually succeed until someone annoys me so so much that I have to either be a dick, or punch them in the head. I didn't want to punch her cause that bitch was tall.
Also a girl I didn't know at the party told me she loves my blog.
a) how does that happen?
b) should I pretend I don't think that is awesome? because I do.
I want to say more things about the party but I'm not sure what.
I feel grossly loving about everyone I saw except for TallNeedyGirl. My friends are really funny and cute and smart and great and sexy and amusing. Although it was annoying when Teddy made comments about my thick thighs and it was a little weird that there was no ice for the drinks because I love ice!
We should have all danced more but I was pretty happy with 5 minutes of teaching D to "dance dirtier" and throwing down with JJ at 2am to Lil Wayne. Imma millionaire Imma young money million-aire tougher than Nigerian hair?
Yes.
All the time.
No I mean I'm not.
At all.
But he is and I'm really feeeeeeeeling theeeat.
Also, this party was the most successful pot luck in history. There was so much yummy food!
Cheese and bread and fruit and dips and pita and fish and pasta and veggies and salads jesus christ.
Glorious.
I hardly ate but I appreciated the shit out of that shit.
According to Stephanie the fish was sublime.
I ate Kettle Chips mostly.
Cause I'm classy like that.
Um side note?
JERSEY WAS REPPING SO HARD.
I think there were at least 10 Jersey born and bred walking around (runningshit)
That makes me happy even though it is totally immature and weird.
The only thing that moderately sucks is that going to a party where you know and love 80% of the guests means no surprise makeout sesh at 4 am.
You look around at the end of the night like eeehhhhh nope not him I know his mom....no not him we hooked up when I was like 19.....nope not that guy hes whatsherfaces ex.... mehhhhhhh ok I need to catch a cab and go eat a sammich in my bed. The End!
As a final token of my love, I want to share this:
Krissy and Jeylan. Freshman year of high school.
This photograph, now belonging to the worldwide internet community. Shall haunts both of us. Forever.
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