I really don't know where to start.
I'm so overwhelmed by myself.
I'm an overwhelming person.
Overwhelmed underwhelmed can you ever just be whelmed?
Isn't that from a movie?
Also I like it when Steve Carell as Michael Scott says, "Me? Superstitious? Ehhhhh, welllll, I wouldn't say that...I'm just a little stitious."
Wait oh yeah.
So I still can't talk about AC because I'm gathering photos as we speak.
Oh they are exciting.
My vajay is tingling at the thought.
Last night I went out dumb dumb dumb idea.
Whenever there is some shit to do at like 7pm I'm like... no sweat, I will get drunk early, home by 10.
Funny joke to self.
I literally sped home after work to take a showie because I fucking stink. All the time. But Amber told me about the whole baking soda in the armpit so I'm actually on top of the world at this point.
So really I don't stink its just all in my mind.
Yeah so story.
I scrub I put on the same thing I wear every time I leave the house including the paper hat (you can't tell its paper fuck off everyone wants to know where I got it)
and I make a drink.
Then call a car five minutes later.
This is what I look like when I'm panicking.
Why was I panicking?
Because I hate having to take cars anywhere.
I had to bring my drink with me to fill my heart with relief.
Some gallery super far westside on 21st has free booze and djs and snacks and Virgins are performing. None of that means anything to me except a) booze and b) friends
Me Sam Alex Jiwon and Denise hang out many hours.
We are also joined by Luke Barber Smith aka nice guy smitherton.
Thurston Moore is not a good dj. He plays a lot of noise. Actual noise. No words or anything. How ambient. You didn't do a good job.
Kirsten Dunst was around again.
I feel like its the twilight zone.
Or the movie Groundhog Day.
The lines for the bathroom were like nothing I had ever seen. You would think they were giving out bars of gold to anyone who could take a peepee.
Once me and Jiji got in there I wanted to take my sweet ass time so I took some pictures. The bathroom was basically the size of an apartment. Great.
There were tiny delicious cookies and tiny ice creams. The Virgins were loud. Maybe because I'm stupid and I always stand in front of the speaker.
I liked the lights personally.
I want to speak shortly for this blog.
Shortshortshortshortshort and quick.
Alex face funny. The End.
We took turns playing ugly face I think.
I win here obvi.
Tbones does not like close ups.
I don't like her hand in my face.
Looks like we are at a cross roads.
We may have to throw away the friendship.
Oh wait no.
Oh yes. The open bar was Ketel One or Moet. Guess what I drank. 5 or 6 of I think.
Ketel and Red Bull.
I ended up going around the corner with my fwends to watch them smoke the weed and urinated in a doorway. I thought that was HILARious. Then I talked about Prince for a half hour and said I want to do sexytime things to him.
Then I did an imitation of how I danced in utero when my mom played his records while preggie.
Jiwonji nearly vomited from laughter. I wish I could sit one out and let someone else in my skin so I could watch myself, it looks really amazing.
I bet I would like it a lot.
That shit really was over at 10 and I was kind of sad because the gallery was absolutely packed with handsome waspy boys from Chelsea. Boat shoes and button downs galore. Wasps are the new rockers. Get with it duderbous.
I am totally into getting taken out to dinner and proposed to after a year of lovely courtship.
Then I want to move to a nicer apartment and be a good wife and play dress up sexies and have a great stereo system.
Also I want to get nice birthday presents I would never buy for myself.
Dreams are like cute little mice that wear tshirts you decorated with a mini bedazzler. It just feels so so good to hope for something that would be noooooormaaaaaaaal.
I want to be normal they should have classes for that I would go.
I want to one day marry a republican.
I said it.
Opposites attract and then have killer make out seshies.
This is all prompted I think by a recent make out sesh with a guy who loves John McCain. Guhhhhhhhh.
But good kissers can vote for whoever the fuck they want, they just need to make sure they smooch more that they discuss politics.
Bad kissers are like looking at dead dogs or getting the flu.
Oh then I decided we needed to get in cabs to go the Sweet P because its so close to home.
Yesssss R Kells just came on shuffle.
Anyway there were literally 3 people inside. The rain was amazing last night by the way.
Picture does not display the insanity.
Wash away the cocaine and the tattoos.
We drank weird shots that tasted like berry burps and we put sour patch kids in the bottom.
Thanks for the freebies girlfriend.
D looks like Powder!
I had to give her two back rubs to get her to take shots.
Is that fucked up?
I think it might be.
I ate Simons art.
It sucked anyway!
Why didn't you puke Krissy?
Oh because I was too busy having a shit fit of excitement upon hearing Talking Heads come on.
Aggressive dancing always makes people laugh.
I love dancing.
I wanna try that again with exclamation point.
Now say in my voice:
I love dancing!
Then do something weird with your hips.
Because thats how its working out in my mind.
I just got uncomfortable that there are no pictures of my BFFFFFFF Pam from last night.
That bitch was avoiding me.
I hate her.
I need to go food shopping.
Was my story over?
I don't know.
But I walked home and called like 400 people, all mistakes.
Hi someone needs to babysit me with my cell phone. I'm THE worst.
I also bought a bag of chips that cost $4.50
Thanks a lot New York.
You're the ill dick.
I went to work late.
Ps If I was a man I would want to be John Legend.
Or the hot Japanese samurai bum around the corner.
He is a hard mother fucker.