Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Making peace with a mouse

I'm either being super emotional today, or this is just the truth.
Not sure which one.
Maybe I'm trying to get back on Gods good side after tearing David Lynch a new asshole with my mind raping wit.

OK this is what I'm talking about for right now, emotional or not.

Samantha West is my special friend.
I always say I don't have a best friend, but if I did say those things I would say it about her.
You know when you start to spend a lot of time with someone and you get a friend crush, and you talk about how awesome they are all the time?
I don't remember the last time I thought about Sam that way because loving Sam is like loving your mother, its just not something to explain.
You're not like, "Oh yeah I love my mom because shes smart and funny."
You love your mom period.
Which also gives you the right to think she is a total fucking pest but the idea of no mom or no Sam is like the idea of no food or no bed or no kissing or no juice or no dreams.
Just not in the cards.

I feel like we used to take photos a lot more than we do now.
I don't like to be caught off guard or revealed or opened up.
I don't like to be sober or somber or real or scared or soft.
That places limits on things I would say.

So Sam and I planned to do photos all weekend basically and put it off until late Sunday afternoon which turned out to be a bit of a magical, albeit, dark moment in time. Rain and thunder and lightening are great for vibes not for producing great light.
She smokes, I drink, we always end up the same way, a little shitty, shitty meaning good.
Somehow after an hour or so it is typical that I end up naked or dancing or dancing naked, and Sam is hard pressed to catch a moment where I don't have my glass in my hand. Thats a bit pathetic but why don't you try staring into a lens with someone you love behind it. not an easy task.
Its a very private thing, photography, and I don't think its shit when TyTy Baby says on Americas Next Top Model , "You have to work at this."
You totally do!
I try to think of things like NOT FROWNING.
That is hard for me because essentially I am a scowler frowner. I always look like something in the very near vicinity stinks, literally or figuratively.

But Samantha's great power overcomes all scowl obstacles and she makes me look like a tiger or a diva or a clown or exotic or gentle or young or like a creature from the sea.
Its a one in a million chance with a girl like me I think.
(I lie, its two in a million because Olivia can get it as well. Truthies.)

Who is this?
I don't know her.
But shes a sly fuckin fox no doubter

Who hurt this baby prostitutes feelings?

This is like living cocaine.

(Should you be so lucky)

I'm a constant eye toucher. At least here its interesting and not just a tourettes thing. Or a singular tourette. One tourette!

I can't wait to type this because it is so fucked up.
It's always better when you can't see my face.

Crouching Tiger, Total DBag.
That is what I look like when I perform Darling Nikki by Sir Prince Rogers Nelson.

If you would like Samantha to take your portrait you should pay her because shes not a god damn amateur.
She stays up all night editing and thinking and seeing things in a very beautiful way. Then suddenly there is this person, and they are hardly the person they thought they were when she shot them, they are something they would rather like to THINK they are sometimes, when they are at their most alive.

Sorry. Barf.

Cue swelling orchestra music


1 comment:

Kate said...

that's a beautiful piece of writing. i hear you about looking into the lens. i'm comfortable behind the camera, but when someone, esp. someone i love, turns theirs on me, even if it's a photographer as incredible as sam, and i do have a couple of them... (thank you, run-on sentence)... i freeze up. i know how intimate photography is because i spend a lot of time behind the camera. you think i'm going to let someone do to me what i do to them? not bloody likely.

i saw those images of you on sam's flickr page. she's genius. i love the quality of light in the color ones.

thanks for the great post.