Last night I was confronted with my ghosts.
The ghosts of New York.
They just started showing up and never left, one by one.
All the men who broke my heart a little or a lot, doesn't matter.
They were all out on the town, at EVERY BAR/RESTAURANT/ART SHOW I WALKED INTO like, "Heeeeeeey Krissy! LETS ACT NORMAL TOGETHER."
How about I have a panic attack instead about the idea that either my heart could explode or I could very possibly be This Way forever.
This Way means incapable of commitment and addicted to jerkoff assholes.
I don't even think I'm labeling all these guys as assholes, maybe they aren't. Its possible its just our alchemy, the way I mix up with them and create this horrible explosive craziness which leads to this sentence every time, "Krissy. I really like you. Really. Its just that I don't think I can give you what you want. I just don't want to hurt you. Also, I think you're a little too insane."
This is all very comical in hindsight, cause most of these dudes either A) have a drug problem B) are themselves TOTALLY whacked out of their gords C) think they are being nice by saying shit that way D) are definitely less successful, less intelligent, less kind, and less hilarious than moi.
But I want to give Love a chance.
Without screaming in its face.
I also want to stop taking part in my self fulfilling prophecy of lonliness/purposefully pushing people away that I have some emotional attachment to.
That being said.
Who wants to take me out to dinner tonight?!
Focus on the good things.
Like the idea of one day growing old with someone like this:
Or the idea that Stephanie used this giant metal box in the street to time travel and when she got back she had no pants cause the TRex stole them. Perfect fit, those motherfuckers have baby legs.
Another good thing is having Fridays off this summer.
Thursday nights are like wish-granting kittens dressed in cashmere pantsuits with little pouches on their collars filled with free drugs.
At the Ear Inn bar you get crayons on the table so you can draw.
I chose Edgar Allan Poe portraiture.
We didn't run into Ear Inn regular James Gandolfini (booooooooooooooo)(he is a totally hot fat man)
but we had some vodka and jameson and bread and a fantastic burger.
I've missed you very much.
Speaking of my ghosts, I saw this and really loved it, I felt a little wave of affection for street art.
Then I looked to the left of it and Lance had tagged right there.
Its like a little joke between me and God only God is laughing but I'm totally not.
I mean its fine, we are friends but really. Thats one of things I hate about graffiti, your always reminded of those people whether you want to be or not.
Everyone knows its windy.
West to East for a party...
If we are truly dopplegangers then I am blessed because you are one of the most beautiful girls in the world.
There is always someone resting on her breasts.
They are like the heaving version of love and comfort.
Livvy works so hard for days then texts me this:
"I want a glass of cold chardonnay yo"
She has been wearing a lot of red.
At some point in this night I yelled "everyone grab Adrians penis"
This scared him so terribly that he jumped backward into a bicycle and then further still into a metal wall.
Ellie looks like a poet.
As I was saying.
Cold chardonnay yo.
Z has so many friends that she met up with this chick who she attended kindergarten with.
I'm quite serious.
This is how I hope I look when I smoke.
I'm thinking of quitting though.
That was happy Thursday.
Some of yesterday was happy Friday but now I have nervous Saturday, refer to paragraph one of this post if you forgot what I'm nervous about.