Saturday, March 22, 2008

Longest Blarg.

I've spent the last week not blogging and acting like an alkie.
Its sad in some ways, but totally not because I got to spend a lot of time with my friends and I have the best ones in the world.
That was a cheese sandwich with a side of cheese dipped in cheese fondue.
Monday was St Patricks Day and I went to the parade and it was cold and loud and awesome because I love being Irish. I talk about it regularly.
Oh, didn't you know, its ok for me to be a total piece of shit, I'm just Irish. And when I say racist things I can just blame that on being German.
The weird thing about that is, we all know I love me some Jews. One day I will snatch myself up a good Jewish doctor and make his mother cry. Whoops.
Oh and I also love black people.
And gypsies.


So St Patricks Day I was a bad little leprechaun and drank non-irish beers and Petron and made curry chicken for dinner.
Everyone knows a good Colleen never flavors her food!
The only flavoring Irish people use is salt and butter.
So much butter.
The way we put butter on bread, thats called an Irish canolli. Thick!

Me and Dop went to Good World and talked to a couple of boring boys and we wore Mexican clothes.
Because its fun.
And because she is obsessed with the Mexis.
Such a hot little gringa!

Well actually before we went it was photoshoot! time.
Don't lie you all do it too.

The Janice DICKenson.

get sexy in the crack corner.
The Jimmy Crack Corner.

sister sister.

Then when we got home I was shittah and Ames the superstar roommate from heaven was trying to lay low chilled out in the kitchen.
So sors Ames, but things are about to get absurd.

First I pretended to not be a jerk.

Then I did this.

He likes my jokes.


Wednesday I dropped into Sweet Paradise to see my brother Gary and to finally meet his girlfriend who is an absolute doll of a human. Ugh. I love couples so much right now.
Gary and Olympia and Louie and Amber tie for the greatest couple award.
I'm so jealz.
I kindve will always hate Sweet Paradise. It smells weird and I don't like candy.
But seeing Scott and Gary and Krista and Frank on the 1s and 2s is fun.
I ran my stupid mouth at the bar all night and had the worst day at work to follow.

I tested the flash on my new camera phone.
It failed.

Both of the nights described led to the deadly drunk dial.
Oh my god. Someone somewhere figure out a way to stop me. There should be a breathalyzer on my celly.
So I fucked up yet another sitch with a possible snuggle partner by freaking out about dumb shit like "why haven't you decided yet that I'm totally girlf material?!"
What will be will be.
I'm trying to un-bum-out my emotions.

Best thing for that?
Having a party!
I have been thinking over the last couple months its weird that I feel like I've known Bianca for awhile and never really got to KNOW her.
And now that I feel like I am, shes running off in her Subaru Outback to explore the Great Unknown that is the cross country road trip. Boss!
So I threw her a little Bye Bye bash last night.
It was GOOD. If I do say so myself.
I am a shining star of a hostess what with my cocktail glasses and my ample booze supply and my ipod playlist and my "plentya room for dance jam outs" setup.
Steph came over early to sit on the couch and booze up nice and early.
We decided that I should wear a bracelet that say WWYMT.
Like WWJD, only mine means "what would your mom think"
Because thats what i should consider before I say the retarded things I say.
Then Steph noted we could also do WWYBT, or "what would your blog think?"
Fast forward to party time,
I was super scared two things would happen:
1. no one would come. Duh. Classic nauj freak out when you look around at 915 and theres 5 of you standing it the kitchen like "sooooo....." :::look around, swirl your ice in the glass, touch something on the counter like its really interesting to you:::
2. that EVERYONE would come, including police. These things you can never predict.
Thankfully it was the perfect gathering.
Corinne and Feleesh brought chips and salsa, good job listening girls.
Liv and Dballs brought tofu things and guac (AFTER seeing me puke it all up once at a restaurant because I found out I'm allergic)

Water under the bridge.
Christa brought some cookies that was cute of her.
And Steph made a hilarious cake.

More importantly, her cakes are always moist. Its dreamy. Dreamily moist. Thats my porn name if I ever get into the biz. Gross.

Beebs ate some car.

We had lots of margaritas and vodka cocktails. Everyone looked handsome/beautiful but thats because my friends are all big catches.


Hi Stephanie, did you get a job as an extra on The Wonder Years?

Shaderican looking like a total babe.
Steph said to me today, "We brought Jersey to Chinatown."
Totally trube.
It had the Jersey vibe. Everyone was so happy and so drunk.

Beebs had a funny cup.

No one stole anything and only three things broke.

I think Beebs relates to me on the whole housewife tip.
Also my ass looks great!

AND I don't even think there were any drugs!
I love noblow parties because no one turns into a huge asshole and ruins the fun by acting fiendish and creepy.
Shout out to Jiwon and Kaitlin thanks for not coming buttholes. Its ok I understand.
Caspo brought some people I didn't know and it was confusing. But it seems like whatever hes getting into usually carries with it some befuddlement.


The evening got to the crucial point of dance in the dark time, maybe around 12.
Its inevitable that someone turns the kitchen light off and kids get loose. Thats also when your neighbors realize they hate you, more things get broken, and cigarettes start going into your sink.
I totally hate the sink ciggy thing, its absolutely foul.

After dancing time, there is always rapping white people time, which consisted mostly of me, Staten Island Frank, and Male Model Adrian. The combination of us three humans ALONE is hilarious. Seeing us rap Get Money and TROY? Off the scale of douchbaggery. Really.

Bianca gave me lots of kisses and that was nice.
I think I tried to pepaw dance with Denise but it just didn't work very well.
I got to have lots of squishy girl time.
I didn't get hurt and I kept all of my clothes on.
No one threw up or cried.
I played waitress from the back room to the kitchen and the floor is sticky.
Sammy knows just what I like, which is being subservient so she sat on the couch and requested drinks for about 2 hours.
I happily complied.

I have never loved the people in my life as much as I do right now, because the 30 or so folks I spent my night with feel like a gorgeous family.

The End!

*photo cred shouts to Rafael for the party pics! Hes the best.

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