Saturday, May 10, 2008

Have you seen me?

I'm not laying low, I'm just doing things a little differently.
While I wait for my perfect Ninja Turtle pizza to get here to cure my booze belly, I will share the imagery I'm sure you've so tirelessly been awaiting.
I am in a love hate relash with my blog right now because its being really tempermental and wont let me upload things.
So all of this is stupid shit I have for the most part half forgotten about anyway.

I am obsessed with self sufficient kids.
No way could I get on a bus alone when I was that age.
I would have peed myself then cried then pretended I was crying about something else.
So not only was I a sissy, but also a fucking liar.

Your bike sucks.
Everyone in this city thinks their bike kicks every other bikes ass.
I propose the idea that weird Chinese people are the raddest.
The Jazzy.
and Chained.
Of a salon.
That paint job is sublime.
Summer of the Jazzy, dudes.
Lets all get fat lazy and dorked out.

This is what you do on a nice day when being the nanny for a 2 year old boy with subhuman strength.
Fill an Igloo with bricks from the garden.
Add charcoal ash from the grill.
Then water.
A disgusting and strangely amusing hour wasted.
The subhuman strgnth part comes in when for fun, he drags it around the yard talking to himself about "doing the work"

Ok so I never blogged about Albany.
Maybe it was all too hilarious to share. Some things are left better as inside jokes so you have something to rub in the faces of your other friends.
Hahahahaha remember the Sidedoor Cafe beligerence kick out? Hahahahahaha remember our cave tourguide? Hahahahaha remember Jerome?
Oh thats right, you weren't theeeeeeerrrrrre. Buuuummer. Too bad.
Grow up Krissy.
Anyway, we went to this fucking craaaazy museum about the history of the state of New York. I seriously loved it. We set off an alarm by trying to get Steph in the wolf display, saw some creeped out wax humans, did a little museum dancing (ample space for large scale movement)
but the best thing I have ever seen.
Is contained in above photo.
A rock. That naturally glows. And its called (SCIENTIFICALLY NAMED).......
Oh my gay god.
Jesus lord in all of your glory.
Why is that so great? Not sure. Nevertheless I screamed in the museum.

I hated that Pam went abroad.
I missed her a lot so when she came home, naturally we had to sit around eating pizza and ice cream.
The Life.
I don't think she will like this picture very much.

We went to the best Polish spot.
Male Model Adrian and his hot Lady Model girlfriend Yomi had a little get together at Polonia.
The borsht was to die for. So I died. I am dead right now. If I go back and get another bowl of it, I can cancel out the effect and I will be alive for eternity. Natch. The pierogies were also great.
The bottles of beer were gigantic and cheap.
So except for the fact that I was surrounded by a table of better looking better educated better employed friends, it was a success.
I feel like a cheeseburger amongst a table of kobe.
MMM cheeseburgers.

Another kobe.
What an asshole.
Christian is prettier than every girl I know.
And he sings.
Basically I want to undergo radical genital surgery, become a boy, have my voicebox removed and replaced, get rods stuck in my legs to be at least 6 feet tall, and tell everyone that I'm him.
That way I would be super sexy.
Thankfully pretty people are gross to me so none of that surgery will be happening.
I prefer the company of the uglyhots.

Alex is also pretty but you can't tell when he is stoner pouting.
I like these guys and their band is pretty good. (Aloke shout out)
I would like to be paid for promotion services in 6 packs of Heineken and hair shampooing. WITH scalp massage.

Mother of the year 2008 Katherine Jess Conley/Miller smokes Marlboros and flips off her sister for absolutely no reason.
What a Georgia Peach.
*EDIT: I just got a bitchy email about how rude it is to insult whether somoeone is a good mom or not. I wasn't being sarcastic shes a great mom.
So let me be really specific:
Sourpuss of the Year.
Acuraccy and intent in my blog is very important.
* end of edit
My moms backyard is heaven for people who like fairies windchimes and swing couches.
Open invitation to come check it out.

Her absurdly perfect spawn had her 1st birthday last week.
Hence my trip to ATL.
I hope Kayla lives forever. Only in my dreams.

Aunt Krissy is super fun.
Kayla has started talking and said , "MMM good" while biting a dirty lemon.
I have video proof of it but I won't torture you. Showing that video would be like when a boy you want to sleep with tickles you as a flirtation tactic.
Cuteness injection.
Like shooting cocaine up your asshole. Thats what Stevie Nicks does. (NIGHT OF 1000 STEVIES BLOG COMING SOON. SO BIG TIME)

I wish this picture came out.
I finally saw Z after months of little to no love.
We are both flaky about keeping plans. And we are old friends so it seems ok to just let 6 months go by without a face to face.
4 years ago I showed a cell phone picture of Z to Neckface and told him she was maybe the girl of his dreams and that she lived in Cali so he would have to wait to meet her.
A week ago they met. Drunk. At Sweet and Viscious.
It was not how I had always envisioned it.
He said goodbye to her by biting her. That was my suggestion.
I blame the booze.
Point is, I love Zara and seeing her was great. Jeylans loopy ass was there to. Original Gypsy Den reunion. Sentimental shit.

Earlier that same night I had dinner at Good World wth Professor Alger. I love our dinners. They are always really fun and relaxing.
Especially when he has taken 6 Xanax that day.
Bogdan was our waiter and I think he had a really hard time understanding the thigs coming out of Professor Chill Outs mouth.
We ate a steak and it was fabulous.

Of all the things to take a picture of in my apartment.
"I like how your outlet looks really used. Like distressed."
So deep.
Must mean something right?
No probably not.
Weird weird guy.

Little taste of whats to come.
This was my favorite performer from NOTS last night.
I think hes taking hormones because he has these weird boobs sprouting under that frock.
He stripped down to gold booty shorts and bit whole oranges a spit the peices everywhere. He also doused himself in red wine and danced/lipsynched Desert Angel.
While strobe lights flashed.
It was fucking frantic and gross and my wet dream.
To be continued.

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