Saturday, March 7, 2009

Human helicopter

Sometimes (all the time) I'm around kids and I think, holy shit, I am definitely in the wrong era of life.
I've yet to see Benj Button, but I think I had a moment of envy about the whole aging backwards sitch.
Washington Square Park playground is one of my favorite locations downtown. Its such a soul pick-me-up.
I have thought to myself, what kind of crazy person would want to raise their child in a place like this?
At least 50 percent of this city smells weird.
There are about 400 molesters within every 10 block radius.
Bums can be scary and weird, and they seem to like talking to kids, so thats not really a good look.
There are very few flowers or trees or animals or anything like that.
Kids here don't get to grow up with friends with swimming pools down the block, or hammocks and big daddy grills in the backyard.
And forget Brooklyn, thats not even remotely appealing.

But then I see these kids and they are a whole different breed.
Maybe they grow up to be more jaded and see too much too fast, but they seem to carry themselves like wee grownups.
They are not street smart, they are street genius.

They also look hilarious.

Example of the typical parent set:

Please peep lady in the relaxo baggy pant tucked into absurd biker/pirate/art teacher boot.
PS shes not preggo she just really lazy.
I can say that if I want because I kept a closer watch on her just learning to walk one year old son than she did.

To compare, he are some radical kids who basically shit all over their parents steeeee:

Heres my number one.
This boy was tearing around owning the place on this tricycle.
He was absolutely filthy.
He also ate shit about ten times and never let out a whimper.
Loving him.
I really wish I had been able to capture the vintage patches on his school boy blazer.
It was some Baby AC/DC vibe.

This kid could have been his sidekick, but they were both very dolo.
In case any of you forgot, the sound of plastic wheels on playground paving is amazing.
The sound of freedom.

Theres always 2-3 ferocious screaming boys who yell thing at eachother like, "ARE YOU PLAYING STAR WARS GANG OR NOT???? NO? WELL THEN GET OUTTA HERE!"
Also, I can guarantee that their moms were not cool with the shoes off thing but they were like, " BACK ON? I'd like to see you try it lady."
*also, please note that shoeless boy is actively choking himself.
He was not fucking around.

Little squaw on the other hand?
Just looking after the baby doll.
Get in there baby doll don't talk back to me.
It all formulates so early doesn't it.

Then girls get a little older and start wearing weird stripey leggings and vomiting color explosions all over themselves.
They continue to do it well into their 20s.
Betsey Johnson still does it and shes what, 92?

I guess this kid could one day be Lil Betseys boyfriend.
And by boyfriend I mean guy who throws sand in her face and sometimes shares his capri sun.

The following photos are about the face.
I wanna make more of these faces:

I purposefully left all that empty space to show that this little ginger snap is looking at nothing. Nothing. Shes just amazed period. I am willing to bet Santa Clause could ride by on a shimmering unicorn carrying a Dora backpack filled with cookies and this kid would still be zoned.

Commentary unnecessary.

Someone needs to write a novel about this kids future as a Bollywood star turned weirdo artsy socialite hermit.
Shes like the Indian Miss Havisham.

This is where I chill.

Back to getups:

Baby sneaker game in New York is ridic.
Ps...the helmet? Just an accessory. No bike.

I don't care about anything except for the STREAK OF GREY.
Hes four years old tops, and already has grey hair.

If you made it this far, you are about to get a serious reward.
This kid.
Just posted up on the fence for about an hour.
When I told him I liked his suit, he said:
"Yeah. Sure you do."

I got sonned.

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