1. My guts tingle every time I log on to myspace and see the Dark Knight background. Then I pee a little and dance in the pee puddle. Then I imagine the movie in my mind and pee more.
2. I went to the Natch History Museum. Oh big deal you say? I go all the time? Not totes excites?
Well fuck you, because I saw a movie there called SEA MONSTERS.
Dinosaurs. In the ocean. Eating eachother. Scenes of gore and discovery were interspersed with scenes over time of nerds digging holes to find the bones that explain the film.
I took Owen who ps. just turned 3. They didn't want to sell me a ticket for him, but I'm his Tony Danza, not them.
(I'm his boss.)
3. I hate it when you totally want to make out with someone who is one of these two things or both:
a) a loser
b) not into you.
I love losers who are not into me.
Enough said on the topic.
I would put a picture of at least one of the "men" I am referencing here but that would be super embarrassing and I'm really not prepared for that shit right now.
That would be somewhere on the shame scale between throwing a birthday party no one comes to, and making out with some dude right after you vom at the bar.
4. I just invented a fucked up version of the Rom Com (romantic comedy) called the Vom Com. Instead of cute people falling in love, then getting into hijinx, then living happily ever after, instead they puke everywhere randomly throughout the film.
5. Obviously I have puke on my mind.
6. Obviously not literally.
7. At this point I really take at least 20 pictures a day of cats.
And yes, I have a cat, a Freud dream book, a gemstone, a softball, and linen spray on the window by my bed.
How I became that person, it is a true true mystery.
I feel like I live in a fucking Cathy comic.
8. My olfactory sensitivity is at an all time high today. Everything I smelled made me sick. In fact, I happened to sit next to a bum on the train by accident. He was one of those bums who looks actually shiny because the natural oils of his body have had so much time to accumulate.
I am not an insensitive woman, I feel for bums.
But I actually had to get up and move halfway down the car. Then cover my face with my hand.
I could still smell him.
And my mind could not switch to anything else.
It was ME. and SHINY BUM.
All else vanished.
I had a panic attack somewhere around 14th street and realized my greatest wish was that someone could turn down the sensory dial in my nasal passage.
Also I smelled a banana at work and almost screamed.