Saturday, June 14, 2008

Creatures of the Night. Masters of the house.

So the other day I was at the school doing the nanny pick up thing and my favorite Jamaican Rosie was accidentally funny as per usual.
She never tries to be funny and when you laugh she looks at you like you're retarded.
So this lady walks up to her and is like, "Whoo girl. It is HOT. It is HOT today"
So Rosies all caj like "Tink about hell"
Touche Rosie, touche.

So yeah its hot. Big whoop.
Saying big whoop is so fucky fuckface but I like the way it sounds in my mind, like the way I totally wanted to sound when I was 8.
Like, "Oh yeah Jennifer. Great. You have two American Girl dolls. Big whoop I don't even really care anyways."
I had one. The one named Molly. The nerdy one with the glasses. I thought it was cool that she was the doll from the World War II time period.

So the week was super long and geigh and not really that good because I basically banned myself from using deoderant, is that weird?
I kinda like it. The freedom. But I'll be honest, I don't reach up in the subway anymore out of fear someone will be like duderbou. you stink. Obvs I'm in a subway car with someone I know because duderbou isn't like, the new thing. OR IS IT.

OK so last night I don't really know what happened to me but somehow I passed out all early but only after a bunch of mistakes.
First mistake was deciding to leave my apartment.
So Liv and I went around the corner from her place to Proces store for the Mirf toy thing.
Saw some peeps, it felt like, I dunno, the exact same thing I was doing four years ago.

Stole a couple pictures from Jasons flickr. Coat of Arms looks good. I don't get the "toy" thing but more power fellas.

Look, humans. Lots of them looking at things and eating red caviar and wearing boldly colored tshirts.

Me and some girl had the same hat on.
Sometimes things like that make me want to die. Because I'm dramatic that way.
I love seeing Mrs. Proce because shes so sweet. We are even standing the same way. Presh to death.

Where you been Tina?

Mr Kiki you sly fucking fox.
I wanna be Mr Kiki too.
I think I'm just the right candidate.

I had a flask in my purse duh and made tons of trouble for myself that way.
I don't know, some black dude with a mohawk kept molestering me and I think he was like can I get your number. And totally kidding I was like, "catch me on facebook wooowooooooo last name Conley. C-O-N-L-E-Y"
This motherfucker repeated the spelling back to me and was like ok talk to you then.
He didn't catch the jokey part, but maybe its because my jokes are a pile of shit.

So then me Liv Jiwon Denise some other people JennyPack and I dunno who else went to get food.

Hey ladies.

Jiwon had a BLDeath aka a bacon lettuce and tomato.
I gchatted her today to tell her she fucked up.
Then she relayed to me that I had spaghetti fries.
That means I put alot of ketchup on.
Good joke Jiwon. Very good.

Jiwons face in the abyss.

Needless to say I made myself ill and didn't even finish my drink which is basically unheard of.

I took a cab home only to find Sam Mercy and Katie, probably stoned.
Sam reported to me that I came in shouting about alcoholism, Gatorade, having to work in the morning, and being awesome. Then told them to fuck off for NOT having to work in the morning.
Great job!
Apparently before I came in, they had convinced Katie to fit her entire body into a tiny round Mexican hamper.
How I miss this shit, I don't know.
I think Mercy and Sam bring out the weird catlady librarian in us all.
Per example, two nights ago the three of us played cats cradle with twine for about an hour then walked from room to room listening to Atlas Sound, trying to figure out where it sounds like white noise.
Needless to say, we had to wikipedia cats cradle because smoking them funky cigarettes make simple tasks seem like boundless deserts of confusion.

Ugh this ones so hard, its the pinkie one, cross over and use your pincher fingers come on this is serious right now

In closing, tonight I found a live cockroach in the kitchen trash can.
I screamed and asked Ames to get rid of it. I think he is drunk because after about 5 minutes of deep thought he was like YOOOO LETS GO BURN THIS SHIT. PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME.
Really Ames?
Or you could just tie up the garbage bag and put that shit at the curb.

But its true, the people here do burn shit directly outside of their buildings.
For no reason.
Like these three old Chinese hags.


Speaking of old Chinese ladies.
Why do some of them look like wrinkled baby prostitutes?
I swear to god, the lucite heels with the weird zipper pants and the tee that says SWEETHEART in bedazzled glory.
I have nothing but love.
A little hate, but only when they leave there fucking garbage and ball tea on my stoop.

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