Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Oh shes a rare one that Krissy.

I'm basically on bit of a downward spiral into the oblivion right now.

Its bizarre and cynical and almost repugnant.

I hate pretty much everything including ..... ME!

Well I don't hate my girlfriends they are the true saving grace. (TallyDeadDead counts as one of my girlfriends despite that pesky penis he is packing)

Here are some boring stories for you to read about what I did this weekend.
My whole life is now one slightly lame weekend by the way.

Halloween, yet another holiday I do not like.

Before the mane effect.

And after.

Tresses are still in recovery.
Not happy about hairspray.
I am not a product person.
Hi, I wash my face with generic liquid soap.
Low maints.

Stephanie and Liv looked amazing, as Palin and a Robert Palmer girl, respectively.

I missed out on taking a picture of D, who was a Cool Breeze. She had wind chimes hanging from her sleeve, and a very non peaceful mini fan to create the actual wind effect. And she wore blue. And some glitter.
It was one of those situations where the theory of the costume and the end result were not in tune completely. I have been in that boat, pretty much everytime I look in the mirror. I'm like hm I want a "90s Liv Tyler turned biker chic look" but I think I'm just creating a "bisexual preteen who plans on attending art school in the future" look.
I Digress...
I will say; D can do no wrong in my book because she is one of the great women of this rotten hellhole city. So she could be a toilet for Halloween and i would have thought it charming.
Anyway I would talk about how we went to this party and it was crazy and fun and the free tequila kept me in reverie but I would be lying and I hate lying.
I was a total sourpuss.
But there was this huge horse thing, that was neat.

The four trillion people there were mostly dressed as dead versions of things, which is cute and fun I guess.
Anyway I was a total faggot and ended up walking home around 1am. Down Canal Street. Alone. Worst idea ever. No offense to the great state I grew up in, but the streets were infected with horrendous bridge and tunnel boys yelling to me about being a sad lion and going "Rarrrrr!"
Every car that drove by me and honked was either blaring TI (white men love him) or 103.5 KTU. Oh, KTU. You still have La Bouche on heavy rotation.
Very. Unfortunate.

Also unfortunate.
Bad movies.
Pam and I rented The Invasion.
This was the only good part.

Bloody things and Nicole Kidman and a very weird child actor and alien spores and a lot of vomit.
And Daniel Craig. Naturally.
So yeah, movies in my apartment.
Soon as Pam left I started to paint walls and furniture in my office.
Then I took a partial wall down.
Around midnight.
Then I tried to clean out the fireplace.
I am not kidding about any of these things.
I am a total mess of a person currently.

To try to end my weirdo "I don't leave the house for more than 5 minutes" phase, I met D in that nightmare of a place they call Brooknah to go celebrate Day of the Dead.
We drank margaritas for a few hours and were kindly pestered by this old Panamanian man.

*note the wacky accordian player in the backround. Ill mariachi/jewish wedding/greek party/irish war song/latin dance off/johnny cash cover tunes. I swear to god they actually played all of those things.

Anyway, pepaw kept taking out money from his shirt pocket, and we kept accepting the drinks.
I tried to get deep on him so I could destroy my negative vibes. I asked if he had any advice on being happy. He told me he doesn't know. That he married a Puerto Rican girl once and he loved her but thats all over now. He said he makes a lot of money and he's "super single" and likes to dance.
All of this was said in nearly impossible to comprehend Spanglish.
Who taught him the phrase super single" I have no clue.
After awhile he got mad at me for not paying enough attention to him and he left.
Denise didn't get marauded by Old Panama nearly as much as I did, but she had a very homely buzz cut lesbian trying to kick game to her for awhile.

Shrug it out

The shrines in this bar were basically hot to death.

Then Soner and Gary came and we had to switch locations because thats what you do when you're drinking I guess.
You keep moving so you don't forget.
It's like when your freezing to death in the woods.
You had better not sit down to "take a little nap" because you will definitely die in your sleep.
Hypothermia and social drinking?
Yes I do see a connection.
Fuck off.

Where do you go in BK when you don't know what to do.
The dreaded Union Pool.
That is the only answer.
Denise had the bright idea of moving to Tequila Sunrises.
They tasted exactly like hard candy.

Soner looks like a walking advertisement for Williamsburg.
If that sounds mean, its not supposed to be.
I make that mistake, sounding like a horrible bitch when I'm just making an observation.

I am tired of this story about Brooknah.

Point is, I made it out there.
So yeah, maybe I'll be back again in like 6 months.

Today I saw B, who I've felt two emotions about since she left for her road trip so many moons ago...
1. I've missed her!
2. I've been annoyed that she has no idea what to do with her life and is slightly bummed about it some days. I have concluded that I find this annoying because I refuse to admit I am feeling the EXACT same way about my own sitch. When will the pieces come together, thats what I wanna know.

Anyway we chatted lots and went for a walk to 99 cent BJ
*hollerrrrrrr best dollar store in the area*

Heres a taste of the exquisite merchandise

hey baby I like how when i look at your boobs I think of a cartoon for 5 year olds

superb packaging aesthetic

these are puffy plastic sleeves.
you put on.
when you're cleaning.
as to not get your real sleeves dirty.
anyone who can tell me WHY that phrase is on the package wins me.
as a slave.
for life.

two of everything thats what I always say.

B is Corey Haim

I wrote and rewrote about 5 things about this picture.
I don't think any of them said what i want so I leave that to you.

We purchased nothing.

Walked to the pharmacy for allergy pills.
Saw Teen Spirit in the deoderant aisle.

I ended up inhaling a stick of men's Right Guard for about ten minutes.
I considered buying it and taking it home to put somewhere along with other things I'm ashamed of.
I was thinking maybe I would take it out and smell it once in awhile.
That's how much I love the stink of a man!
If that makes me sound like a complete lunatic, I will be that.

On final note.

I will be visiting this very creepy website daily, which has almost the same domain name as B's.
If you have a vagina, too much spare time, and a sad sad existence, please also visit here to dress up baby emo dolls/manga tweens in corsets and tiny top hats.
I am absolutely serious.

Heres me and Biancas

I can't wait til all of you assholes are sitting at work, gripped by the desire to create these ridiculous things.

You can thank me later.

1 comment:

Annabelle said...

you lion... i said that as though i was saying YOU LYIN'!

so i did peggy bundy... i did vicky the robot and now i nailed the mrs. roper costume... what TV femme should i be next hallowdumb.