I had a semi shitty weekend of feeling under the weather.
Weird sinus stuff so here I sit in my bedroom with a humidifier gurgling and peach tea no sugar.
I also have an excellent new Paulo Cuehlo book to crack.
Speaking of crack, yesterday i started drinking vodka and orange spritzers for brunch around 11am.
I stopped drinking around midnight.
I went to Good World for food items with Lil Ames and talked his poor ear off about my "problems."
I put problems in quotes because they are not actual problems I just like to hear myself talking. My voice is funny and satisfying to mine own earhole.
Then I scurried off to Jersey to hang out with my mom and my brother and Nicole and Murph.
They spent 2 grand on a fucking dog.
Greatjob guys next time why don't you just buy me a personal massuer to live in my closet and do as a say.
Anyway, his name is Carl. NBD.
People love dogs. I don't really get it.
Cold hearted I know.
I'm just not that into dogs.
Except street dogs. I like them because they have spunk.
And wolf dogs, because they are PART WOLF PART DOG.
Either eat my face or protect my kin, whatever tickles your tail.
Important news of the world:
My greatest fear is officially real.
No, not that the giant squid have began traveling on land and eating humans.
So my second greatest fear.
Little back story.
When I was a kid I had warts.
I think I had them from nerves??
I know what you're thinking. Dweeb.
Anyway, they weren't THAT BAD.
I got rid of them on my own after many visits to doctors who burned them and iced them and shit like that.
The truth is, if you pick at anything enough it really can't stick it out.
I showed those fuckin warts whats what.
So yeah, they were on my arms mostly, and little, like chicken pocks only less red.
Don't throw up, I'm nearly done.
Anyway, as I'm sure all of you noticed, I now have perfectly baby soft glorious glowing skin from head to toe. No prob.
But I still get this horrible creeping sensation when I think of BUMPS. Any bumps. Caused by anything. Bumpphobia.
I guess you could loosely call it Dermatophobia, which is basically a fear of yucky skin issues, but its bumps specifically. I researched online and found a group of people posting responses to someone with a similar issue to me. The bump drama.
The weird thing is, they all also seem to be scared of holes or clusters?
I don't see the connection but whatever, this is all making me sound more and more unattractive with every word I say.
HERE, my friends, is the imagery and story which will be haunting my dreams for days to come.
(courtesy of the ever sickening Metro UK "weird news" section)
A man dubbed 'Tree Man of Java' is planning to get married after 4lb of bark were cut away.
Dede Koswara, 37, says he plans to get hitched now that he can use his hands and walk without pain.
Speaking from an Indonesian hospital, he told the Daily Telegraph website: "What I really want first is to get better and find a job. But then, one day, who knows? I might meet a girl and get married."
Dede's first wife left him and he lost his job because of his bizarre affliction.
At one point to feed his two children he joined a freak show with other victims of peculiar diseases.
But now, following a series of operations to cut away the tree-like growths, he can see the outline of his toes for the first time.
He has also become a sudoko addict now he can hold a pen.
He said he hopes that he will resume a normal life after two more operations to graft undamaged skin onto his hands, feet and face.
Since Dede cut his knee as a teenager, strange roots have been growing out of him.
A small wart developed on his lower leg and spread uncontrollably.
But last year US dermatology expert Dr Anthony Gaspari took up his case.
He concluded Dede's odd affliction was caused by the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), a fairly common infection usually causing only small warts.
But in Dede's case he had an extremely rare immune system deficiency, leaving his body unable to contain the warts.
PS. Heres Dede AFTER 4 lbs of warts was ripped off.