DAYMARE.

I am never going to Spain.
Why?
Because anywhere that these kinds of things happen and are TAPED and are set to music fit for The Shining, and voice-overed by creeperson creepnuts; I want nothing to do with.

Without further adieu:


I may have to revise my list of the most terrifying predators on earth to include eagles in the top 3.
Previously it went like this:
1. squid
2. wolves
3. sharks

Now I think it should go like this:
1. squid
2. eagles
3. shark/wolf hybrid beast.
Oh my god imagine a fucking SHARKWOLF.
Someone please make a claymation short film called sharkwolf.
Why claymation I don't know.
I guess so I won't pee my pants in fear watching it.

PS if anyone has information about predators who are more efficient or terrifying, its a topic I love discussing.
PPS I already know about the whole violent human hating hippo theory so please don't try to school me like that.
I'm not scared of a fucking hippo.
A. because I doubt I'm going to Africa anytime soon.
and B. because look at this thing.

Oh hi, I'm just a hippo giving snugs to a tortoise.
I like to smile and have pink skin and waddle around looking for wet cool places to take super long naps.


Fact: Jessica the Hippo lives in a god damn house with these whitey white South African folks.
So take that one to the bank.
I know, hippos attack more than any other animal in Africa, but c'mon.
If you were by some dark dirty river and you saw a crocodile and a hippo to your left and to your right, staring at your juicy delicious limbs, which one would you innately run from?
Exactly.

Anyway, thats what I did this evening when I returned home from Jersey.
Went to see Sam and Alex and watched youtubes of scary animals.

Opposite of scary, I found my true spirit animal.
Fainting goats.
They are also called nervous goats, wooden leg goats, Tennessee goats, stiff goats, etc.
AMAZING.
I don't know what is better than goats flipping out and getting frozen leg from a stupid farmer opening an umbrella in their faces.


Oh hi, you startled me.

Have we had enough animals for today?
Great.

Gratuitous portrait time

Samantha gets a lot of profile shots in.
Bee Tee Dubs, I got a haircut.
I hate haircuts almost as much as I hate the smell of coffee.
Almost as much as I hate when kids get yogurt on their hands and then touch you.
EW.

Not Ew.

I like to come back home and see my bestie and eat biscuits and salad and vegetable samosas and have about 4 drinks and then go home and pass out with my cats. With all the lights on.
Then wake up and blog.

PPPS Hi Liv and Hiyme, yes I went to your house when you weren't there and had dinner.
Thats what you get for leaving me here while you go to Mexico.
Fags.

In conclusion, the holiday season is nearly over.
Thank the lord baby jesus for that.
I was over it before it started.
Alls we have left is New Years Eve which I'm already dreading.
Though I am sort of considering going out on the town.
If you would like to know where, I will tell you.
But not on this blog BECAUSE ITS TOP SECRET.
I'm dead serious about that.
Or just dead.

What was I talking about.
Oh so holidays.
I was gonna talk about that, making cookies and hanging out with cute babies and doing family things.
But no one ever cares and I don't think I want to go over it all.
I did meet my nephew Jack for the first time and he is a ham sandwich.


Also a ham sandwich, Nancy Conley.

Thanks mother for making us food and buying us things and for the first Christmas of my life, following directions as to what I actually need.
Frying pans, slippers, nightgowns, candles, and giant books about Prince.
I have returned to the life of an actual Cathy comic.
No doubt.