In every wish and dream And happy home You will find the kingdom of The Gnomes

Everything comes in giant waves, no?

I woke up quite under the weather this morning completely unable to swallow coupled with aching eyeballs.
Not suitable for nannying.
I had to call out of work of course because little babes don't need my germs no siree. (Suri?)

It was an unpleasant day of not eating, not really drinking, not really moving... just rolling around in my bed having feverish dreams and intermittently feeling the disgusting tingle of the sunburn on my lower back rub against my sheets.

Then I dragged myself up around 230 this afternoon to get ready to go to therapy on the upper west side.
For some reason I thought today would be a really good day to delve into some ol stinky garbage issues I've had since I was a kid that possibly affect my current behaviours.
Might I remind you, this is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and is all about living in the moment mindfully. It is certainly not about having an hour long self absorbed cry fest.
Well...today I failed at mindfulness and self control.
I sweat all over Claude's nice Eames lounge chair and snot up about half his box of tissues.
I cried the entire time basically and I had that weird awful sobby choked voice that it just unbearable.

So that happened.

I came home to rest and take some pills and drink some tea which was nice but then I got shit on by someone who shall remain nameless.
I really dislike being disliked does that make sense?
I always feel this weird pity for people who berate those who care about them. It makes me think they are so beyond fucked inside that I have to figure it out and then assist them in some way.
Maybe they just don't like me and thats why they talk shit.
Either way, its essentially a lose-lose sitch.

So as of 7 minutes ago it became Tuesday and this horrible Monday ended and I am glad for it.
I embrace every moment I have with those I love but today was pretty loveless for the most part.
Thats why I'm going to think about all the happiness I had this holiday weekend.
I am so so thankful for the people in my life who give me positive thoughts and unconditional acceptance.
I hope these photos make you feel good.


On the train out to NJ to celebrate the 4th, it appeared as though Levin was not set to have a good time with the ladies. But I had faith in his ability to find enjoyment in all the vagina he was about to be stuck with for 48 hours.


Porto sits with me and is never embarrassed when I talk too loud or say "wet dick" in public.
Maybe she is embarrassed but she doesn't scold me which is nice.


Marshy like disease time.


Beer.
Meat.
Livy's salad.
Dinner in the yard.
It was an immediate killing it type of situation upon arrival.

We walked to the fireworks at the river and somehow ended up with the perfect seats despite a crowd of 125,000 people. Supposedly 125G, Nancy may have exaggerated.


Levin posted up Americana.


This is real.
Real emosh. (emotional? can i say emosh?)
Stephanie cried a few times and forced Levin to hold her hand dramatically.
I enjoyed that.
I mostly clapped furiously and wiggled with excitement.
Red Bank fireworks are by far the best I have ever seen in my life.
There were hearts and purple things and star showers and hibiscus shaped ones with red lanterns in the center that floated away as the explosion faded.
Steph and I now have a plan to be cremated and stuffed into a tube WITH fireworks so we can be shot into the sky and transcend time and space like magik.
I made up that last part about transcendence.


Levin caveman duties.


This is what drunk ghosts probably look like.



The next day, the actual July 4th, we had a plan to remain at the beach until the fireworks went off on the ocean around 9pm.
It is very hard to be at the beach for ten hours.
But Ilona and Werman showed up which was entertaining, especially because Ilona was wearing her mans underpants as a babin suit.


Werman is a good beach DJ.


Look at these butts!
Look at these mexican blankies from 7-11!


Stephanie's beach walk is so good, she does it a certain way 'so nothing shakes'
Shes my tiny pony.


If they have a baby I think they should just name it Jew.
No other moniker would really explain a creature from their combined beings.



Jey and BabyBows finally showed up late in the day.
They did not disappoint on Jersey costume prep.
Best part is they sort of always look like this.
I just never realized what I was looking at.
Glory.


I wish I had thought of this first.

I don't think it is possible to blog anything after the beginning of the sunset.
It was too good.
Dogs running on the beach.
So much color.
Music and swimming and all kinds of good things.
Heavenly is a good adjective in very few occasions but here it may apply.



















Olivia took photos of me with seashells over my boobies like a mermaid laying in the wet sand.
And me and Jey holding hands in the creek reflecting the pink from the sky.
And Stephanie dancing with a scarf like a bird.
And water dives and poodle chases and Micheal Jackson beach house blasting celebration.
All those parts are in my head where they belong and I wish I could share them but I just don't know about that.
I would have to be so much better of a writer...

We had one more little trip to the beach Sunday after I ate probably 3 entire bagels and drank 14 glasses of juice.
Then to Jeys to eat all the food at her house.
Also to show off my sunburn.


And sing this:


Then to the ferry to see another sunset and go back to the reals.



Out-feeeeit!








The moon!



This to that.


I walked South Street to my apartment and was greeted by a giant dead bird on the stoop.
It stared at me for a few minutes then whispered Welcome Home.

*PostScript thank you mom for taking care of us and loving us and feeding us and having a place for me always

Triệu Thị Trinh

Its like a fairy tale, only it really happened, and its super violent!
Some historians challenge her existence, but fuck those guys.

Early years

Triệu Thị Trinh was born in Son Trung Village in the Trieu Son District of the Thanh Hoa Province (situated in today's northern Vietnam) on the 2 October AD 225. At this time, the area was under the control of the Eastern Wu Kingdom, one of China's Three Kingdoms. She was orphaned at a young age and lived with her brother Triệu Quốc Đạt (趙國達) and his wife until she was twenty years old. It was said[who?] that she was treated like a slave in their home.

Rebellion

When she was twenty, she could no longer stand by and watch Wu dominate her homeland. She fled into the jungle and set up her own military camp where she went on to amass an army of at least a thousand men and women soldiers. When her brother tried to persuade her from rebelling, she told him:

“I will not resign myself to the lot of women who bow their heads and become concubines. I wish to surf the rough waves, ride the strong winds, kill the whales of the East Sea, fight the Wu to gain independence. I have no desire to take abuse.”



Triệu Thị Trinh managed to successfully liberate an area of Vietnam which she claimed as her territory and from there set up her own administration. By the time Thị Trinh was 23 she had defeated Wu advances on thirty separate occasions. She managed to defend her territory for several months and it was said that she rode into battle on the back of an elephant, clad in golden armour carrying a sword in each hand.

Defeat

However in AD 248, Wu managed to defeat Thị Trinh's forces and recaptured the territory which she had previously liberated from them. To protect her honour and to elude death at the hands of the Chinese, she committed suicide by drowning herself in a nearby river. There is another version of her suicide, saying that she was trampled to death by elephants.[citation needed]

Another version claims that Triệu Thị Trinh was a nine-foot tall giantess who rode into battle upon a massive elephant with her pendulous breasts slung over her shoulders and the Chinese at the times exclaimed: “It would be easier to fight a tiger, than to fight the Lady Queen.”. It was said that she could not stand even the tiniest bit of dirt so a Chinese general made his troops kick up lots of dust while they fought naked making her flee in disgust so her small army lost upon which she committed suicide.

Triệu Thị Trinh is a greatly celebrated Vietnamese heroine and many streets are named after her in Vietnamese cities (there are Đường Bà Triệu Streets in Huế, Hanoi, Saigon, and several other cities). She also has a national holiday dedicated to her.

UM YOU GO GURL.

I love me some me (Terell Owens?)

Its been a long time I shunna left you

Colorado was weird.
Really?!
Yes.

It was a good time though, aside from the elevation sickness/hangover from the devil my final day.
There is a downside to cheap(er than New York) shots of Petron.
I'll give you a hint.
It has to do with vomit.
Try to work that out 10,000 feet above sea level.
Or whatever it is.


Strangely enough, I still use my very expired NJ State ID to travel.
And to get into bars.
It does not look like me which annoys official type people.
Please note the word Elite on my ticket.
I am only Elite because my mom is nice enough to fly us first class.
Shes a great person.
She is also balling sometimes.

So Seany and I had some whiskey and we arrived pretty much in no time.
Got to Denver and found out everyone there has half a brain because most of the people I saw were wearing flip flops.
Or in this case, slippers and pajamas with no jacket.


We had to drive way yonder to the hotel in Colorado Springs, the Broadmoor.
Wasps meet the mountains.
Seany was reading Hemingway on the plane so I made him post up for the perfect photo moment in the sitting room by the lobby.

Sometimes I look at him and I see him as 6 years old.
But never 19.
Time flies.
Flies dies.
When you swats them.
My PopPop used to walk around with a fly swatter pretty much all the time.
It was really cute.
He also wore a bucket type golfers hat.
He was a supporting-character-who-everyone-loves-in-a-comedic-film waiting to happen.

So yeah, The Broadmoor is a pretty place, its strangely gigantic for being out in whereverthefuck. Its just sitting on a lake and people seem to just go there to RELAX.
I'm a shitty relaxer but I really did try.
Also...there were about 400 dogs there. Everyone brought their dog!
I find that weird and not cute. But I'm a cat lady so there you have it.

Kayla makes an excellent alarm clock bright and early in the morning.

Please get used to photos of my niece.
You will see about 50 of them in this post alone.
She likes to do bossy things like open patio doors and move things around and hand things to my brother and say "Heeah Shann Heeah!" (here Sean, here)
Shes sort of totes perf.
I think she looks semi Chinese but when I say that to my sister she gets mad so I probably won't say it anymore.


TDay we just walked around the property and had afternoon cocktail time and saw rad things like horsey sculptures


The hall of fame was about a mile long.
I think famous people like the place.
James Brown is usually a sex machine.


The lake looks pretty magical.






Dressing for Thanksgiving dinner is fun!


It's easier for babies because someone else picks their outfit


Daddy don't look at me that way



Kayla always says 'peees" and 'tank tuuu" because she has awesome manners.
Aside from this moment of picking her nails at the dinner table with a butter knife.

The food was really delish.
We sat outside by the fire pit for awhile and got more drinks and it was Comforting Memories.

The next morning we ran a few errands then went to Pikes Peak, some place where you take a train up a mountain.


Saw these dogs.
They were filthy and happy.
Just as animals should be.

On the train going up the mountain.
Hi cute!

The conductor told horrible jokes.
We went up really high.
It was beautiful.
Not much else to say about that.








Are you there God?


Nancy having deep thoughts


So you get to the top...
and its basically antartica.
You can't really get pictures of anything because its all white.
White everywhere.
Scarface status.
So I took a picture of the red train.
There was serious gale wind force and it's not really that fun.
Nothing lives up there except for a few herds of little ram looking things who apparently eat lichen off rocks.
Yum.
This is boring me.

We did more things in the cold.
Then we went to bed I'll bet.
I was on some 7pm yawn and snuggle shit.

Saturday we rode horses.
Thats really all I care about.
It was really the spot. Look how cute.


Gay horses eat ha-eeey.
Buttermilk was my horse.
We bonded a little bit.
Butters looks a little ragged but is lovable.



Observe the side-eye ice grill courtesy of the horse on the right


Don't mind the entourage.



Oh Nancy.
I realize my mom is going to hate this but she is starting to resemble her father.
AKA Grandpa Howie.
This picture is very Howie-esque.


Fine yes I look 5 years old in photos.
But this is proof that my sister does as well.
I think its a genetic retardation.
Babyphotogenia.


Here are some elk creatures.

We had an amazing guide, by the way.
She was very into just taking off like the wind.
Up rocky mountainside trails.
On ten year old horses.
They really love to just open up and gallop off into the unknown.
It is horribly exhilerating.
I advise sitting on a horse holding on for your dear life.
As often as possible.
Such fun. They are like motorcycles that breathe and whinny.
Also they have souls.


Saying things like
"thats a nice breeze"
and
"whatta view!"
are annoying.
Until they are so true that you just find them flying out of your mouth.

Down the mountain again we dropped off our rides and went inside to put on hats and act like faggetron tourists.
I only do Stetson.



There are some occasions where you have to get super serious and stretch out.
It's just kind of a given.
I'm pretty sure you're wondering where I get my pose inspirations from.
The answer to that is TyTy baby and her endless barrage of tranny-esque mall rats from America's Next top Model.
So good.


As I was saying.
Best guide ever.
She is really doing her own thing if you can't tell.
If you're blind.
Whatever.

We got driven back into town and headed for Manitou Springs which is showcasing some serious graffiti, son!



This is what hippies build with their tax money.

We did some shopping.
All I bought was a little stone carving for my Complicated One.
If you're special to someone show them they are special to you too.
That right there is about as sentimental as I get.

We went to dinner at a fantastic tavern place.
This is their sign.


This is where it all goes to shit basically.
I am so amused by this stupid bar that I get wasted within about 2 hours.
I started with these.
Tequila sunrise in a pint glass.

Really?
There is a reason why I only drink out of short glasses.
Because it creates sort of version of control over my alcohol consumption.

Before passing out on a bench, the following things happened I think:


My niece played the bongos


I made nice with an old hobbit in a top hat named Jackson Brown


Chatted with a lawyer and a witch named Miss Hildy.


Asked a dirty backpack dishwasher to do something funny for me.
This is his version of funny.


Asked this guy a bunch of questions about Colorado and decided he looks like the guy from Sideways.

The whole thing was a blast until I realized I was fall over drunk.
We took a cab back to the hotel and that is the end of that.
Heading out for the airport the next morning we drove through a very gay blizzard.

It ruined everything and kept us in the car for nearly 5 hours.
I puked for 2 of those 5 hours.
Great job!

Finally in Denver, I realize how bad I wanna go home.


This is not really the place for me.

I missed my cats and my friends and my bed and Complicated One.
I missed Frank and Toms Pizza and Gil at the deli.
I missed everything basically.

It was a good trip.
My sister rolled over in the hotel bed one night and whispered, "do you wanna talk?"
I peed myself laughing remembering how we shared a bed by choice for years and years.
One of us would check if the other was going to sleep with that exact sentence. Memories!

Now that I've gotten all this shit out of the way I can go back to blogging about things that don't matter in other words shit about me.

xo Colorado
slightly more xo New York.