I would say that means you "enjoyed" it.

Too many things none are interesting.

Today was my first afternoon session with a new character in my life.
His name is Claude.
He is a doctor who reminds me of an actor.
I want to say hes like Willie Garson from Sex and the City.

But he's got something is in there as well to balance out the extreme gayness.
Plus, Claude has a wife.
Not that having a wife un-gays you, but whatever.
Not the point.
Claude is my new cognitive behavioral therapist, and he uses the word fuck randomly in discussion.
That is something I enjoy.
I hope he wasn't doing it because he wants to come off as 'relatable' to a young saucy bitch such as meself.
Anyway, I feel really good about seeing Claude every Monday afternoon, I think I will slowly but surely become less of an emotional extremist and more capable of non destructive behavior.
Talking about therapy on a blog may be TMI but NBD.
FU.

I have taken a lot of bad pictures in the last few weeks and have not cared to share them.
Because they are bad.

Speaking of bad.
I'm at my desk facing the window out to the courtyard where the scary stray cats rule.
Cinnamon just gently climbed in my lap and hissed quietly an her breath went directly up my nostril and it was disgusting.
She likes to hiss AT THE YARD whether or not she can see any other cats.
Thats because cats are stupid.
I mean, they are smart, but not smart like us.
At least they are not stupid like dogs.
Now everyone with a stupid dog is going to get pissed off but lets just face the facts, dogs are really dumb.
The end.

I was talking about bad pictures.
Here go.


Couple weeks ago we took a trip out to Rockaway.


Thanks for driving and making us lay in the back so cops wouldn't pull you over.



I have to dig a hole when I go to the beach.
Just the way it is.
I like the feeling.
I silently throw my self loathing inside.
Wahh.


We played frisbee.
Did some frisbahhh tricks.
Under the leg.
Behind the back.
Matthew McConaughey taught us.
Hes good at that shit.



Please find here an Ultimate Frisbee Slang dictionary.


Denise did this as usual.
Then she legally changed her name to Whatever, Man.

More beautiful than the beach are the sheets that hang from the 'shops' on Pike street come summer.
The chinamen use them to shade their little heads from the blazing sun.
Also to smoke behind and peek out from.
Mmmmkay.

I would ask to buy this one, but its been hanging there for 3 years.
Swine fru.

Then at some point it was Levin's birthday.
Him and Stephanie did things like this:

Being their third wheel is not that bad at all.
I'm not being sarcastic by the way.


Getting drunk on your birthday means wearing sunglasses inside of bars apparently.

Later that night I saw Alice and she did things like this.



I just tried to google what the racist term for Australian is, but the only one even moderately funny is Dingo Fucker.
Sorry to say Alice, but you are now Dingo Fucker in my mind maybe forever.
Yay!


Jen told me what she will miss the most when she leaves New York are the 10 dollar cigarettes.
Psht.
Fine, go to a tropical island and spend 3 dollars a pack instead.
Terrific.
Won't miss you.
Kthxbai.
(please also note the gear of the guy behind her. then tell me who exactly he thinks he is supposed to be)
Speaking of the kid, Thursday night Don Voyage:



Then this existed.

A week later this shirt happened:

Before.

After.

He cooked us chicken sausage and scrimp on the barbie for Memorial Day.
Then I dribbled a Spongebob Squarepants bouncy ball from 6th avenue over to ave A.
I suggest everyone take this as a challenge.
You will enjoy.


I bet whoever wrote this is a dickhole.

Then it was Kikis birthday the other day.
Cheap Shots plays a lot of Van Halen but at least she got to drink for free.



rarr rarr rarr


wait I need eyeliner.


Corrine Weiner came eventhough everyone hates her.


Audrey Hep or saaanthing.

They got me to Williamsburg for a party in a basement.
Really?

Mhm.


Molly and Raf did this for awhile.
Its called Pieeertah or something.
Art History.
I slept a lot.
Someone can google it and then correct me.


Latinos.
They do it better maybe.


People in Williamburg are so knee deep in their own shit, I mean ART, that they can hardly breathe.
Its amazing.

Now that I've insulted, generalized, and judged my work for today is done.
I have to watch the Bachelorette and eat noodles.
Sexy.

Martha Stewart Living on the edge

Re: title of this blog, I'm REALLY good at Wheel of Fortune 'Before and After' puzzles.
Constructing them and solving them.
Just another thing I'm good at that will never get me ahead in life.
Big Whoop.

OK.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS, THE MAN WHO SPEAKS TO MY SOUL EVERY DAY, MY HEART, MY TALL ONE, MY ITTLE JARN DOLL, MY DEAD DEAD.
I love you Jon Walter, you are 26 and alive as anyone could ever be.
Jon's self portrait



Sew.
I've been neglecting my blog obviously.
I want to be witty and talkative but I feel like I just can't.
I think being unemployed has made me less of a person.
The last week and a half has been brunches, beer, east village, LES, chinatown, puppets, happy hour, bikes, girls, boys, and ridiculously unstable weather conditions.
I also read a couple magazines, watched a lot of dvds, did extensive research on future film releases/trailers, and found out the following:
If I leave my windows open at night, my cats shriek absurdly loud at the strays in the courtyard.
At 5am.
Its.
Terrifying.

For now, here are some photographic memories.


Russians and pudgy Latinas def have the shitty shoe market on lock.


this ad gave me a boner everytime I saw it in the subway.
I watched an episode on youtube.
Was it exactly what I expected and wanted?
YES.
PS I watched it with a nine year old boy and it led to this kind of behaviour:



Had a night out on the sidewalk in the EVil with these weirdos.
Me and Jess talked about how the water in Jersey makes the bagels better.
Will shouted "ZOE!" at every woman that passed by.
They sort of act like a creepy married couple that everyone is scared to do dinner with. Except they aren't married. Or dating. Or attracted to eachother. NBW.
I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.


These two were being funny I think.
Liv is doing 'story hands'


We wound up at a hookah bar full of creepy Armenians.
Speakers blasting Cece Peniston.
Erman is Armenian but was completely out of his element.
We candle read his tattoos.

That was the first night of ill weather.
I got my butt grabbed by an old dirty lesbian dopehead.
I got epic blisters from wearing wedge heels for the first time this season.
Hiyme drank 48 Red Bulls.
It was such a good memory.
All of it.

***I JUST TOOK A 20 MINUTE BREAK FROM THIS BLOG TO SEND RESUMES. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB. THANK YOU KINDLY.***

Ok, I'm back.
Oh yeah, I went to a spa upstate with Nan, that was really relaxing and extremely boring.
My mom is so awesome because we go places together and do nothing really and have a great time.
The fullbody Swedish massages were godly.

No one ever cares about what other people vacations look like, so I'll make this short...


I'm always a little sad to say goodbye to New York
Even for just a few days.


As soon as we got to this place we immediately put on robes and spa-ed the fuck out.
When I say immediately I mean it.
Ps does anything smell better than a good spa room?
No.
Is the answer.


This sign expresses exactly the vibe at the Mohonk Mountain House.
QUIET PLEASE.
There were no tvs.
No bars so to speak.
Quaker balling.


My moms gear is always 1. sparkly 2. colorful 3. teenager-like








Water Therapy




Not planned.
I was ecstatic about this.
Nan on the other hand, not so much.
The room was unusually hot.
That is not a bad joke, its just an ironic truth.


Went shopping in a hippie town nearby, and when we returned to the mountain house it snowed.
So. Lame.
It was 4/20 by the way and here are two things that will illustrate how New Paltz, NY gets down:

advertisement for the local entertainment


novelty stoner item sadly discarded.

OK I'm over taking about the spa, I liked it, it was sleepy, my mom kicks your moms ass.
Non-literally speaking.
My mom wouldn't fight your mom, shes a peacemaker.

Moving on.


Sour Rocker


Babyface Bowman


Sean Connery's grandson, Steven James.

Its been getting hot so we are all doing this stuff:


Amazing brunch season.
LOOK AT THOSE PANCAKES.


Riding bikes past shitty yet epic graf downtown with my main girl.
(this photo dedicated to said main girl Jeylan, I really might not be able to smile without you. Pause)

Ride to a BBQ.


rooftops.


gnome offerings.


people who have their shit together live in this fashion.


Oh hai.


Sometimes I think Stephanie looks like someone who should be an agent for really obnoxious young actors.


Please note Wyatts hangover face. It is perfect.
PS the olive oil looks like Jagermeister.
Why are people in marketing so fucking retarded?


I look like I design bongs but I really design Prada sunglasses.
I also have the most infectious laugh known to man.
Also my name is Brock.
Win.

Sitting outside at bars is always a good look in the hot ass evening.


Is it just me or is this fucking cute?




My bike is suitable for anyone really.
25 year old girls with short legs.
Grown men.
Whatever.


Hey gurl.


ConRAD attempting to take his name to a very literal level.

Sunbathing in Bushwick with Marion healed all pain.








Saw this baller from the J train stairwell.
He inspired me with color.

Also inspiring.
Boxing Jew puppetry.







Is anyone tired of this blog post yet?
I am.
Truly.

This has gone on too long and my fingers hurt.

Thats what he said.

ZING!