I have an 'office' now.
Next to my bedroom.
What will a nanny do in an office you ask?
The same thing a bartender. Or a pet groomer. Or a landscaper would do in an office.
Ignore people, doodle on things with sharp pencils, write unnecessary emails, sing quietly, spin in a chair, and talk outloud about uninteresting things.
I may also read magazines, blog, take pictures of myself, and write some songs.
Speaking of, I think above the desk I don't have yet, I will frame the paper with Teen Horse Walks first song.
I will have to rig up some contraption that will be a double sided frame. Because we wrote on both side of the paper. It will be attached to the wall by a swingy hinge, so I can flip the frame back and forth to review all lyrics.
There will be a lot of pondering happening.
In that case, maybe I should say 'I'll be in my think tank'
But that is very fucky face sounding so maybe not.
So.
Onto what I really need to discuss.
Basically I think the matrix is real.
Evidence:
Why else would this woman be wearing these garments?
I don't know.
Luckily for your eyes and your genitals, what you do not see is her booty shorts.
Faux leather ones.
She had plenty of bottom butt showing.
Keep in mind this was like 2 days ago, when it was hmmmm I dunno 55 degrees tops?
Hi, you are stupid.
Please take the other pill.
Whichever one makes you go back to the pod thing.
Don't get all worked up nerds, I didn't memorize everything about that movie so just back off.
Also keep in mind I took this picture on Broadway and E4th (approximation)
Would you like to guess how many people were looking at her like she had 3 heads?
Tons.
Because that shit belongs in an S&M bar or MAYBE the East Village at the right time of night.
Guh.
Disgustahh.
Evidence number 2:
I don't know if this picture is evidence of matrix. Or evidence that I have severe severe paranoia.
But I felt like that bald sunglasses man was going to do something weird like open his briefcase and take out a future universe taser and stick it in my thigh.
God only knows what happens after that.
PS do bald guys have to wear sunglasses all the time?
It is their way of being tough without having rebel tresses?
I think so.
Anyway, I don't know what else is going on, people are just being weird and grumpy and I for one do not like it at all.
Speaking of weird and grumpy, how awful would it be to have to purchase both of these items on the same day from the drugstore?
Why are they next to eachother?
Hi, excuse me, Walgreens stock guy?.....I was just wondering, where is your shame aisle?
Because not that its your bees or anything but I have no idea who fathered my child and I'm preeeeetty sure my niece who I let move in with me is smoking crack. Either that or some super speed.
In any case... wheeeere would I get some stuff to take care of that?
Oh, good, hey look at that, right next to eachother. Two birds with one stone!
On a less suicidal note, its CMJ time in New York which I think I like.
I lub music!
Whenever people say they love music do you want to punch them in the face because I do.
Its like saying ''so I've been doing this thing its pretty good, i think the kids nowadays call it laughing. I like it."
Really?
Because everyone likes music.
Everyone likes laughing.
Everyone likes finding 20 dollars in the pants they haven't worn in like 2 weeks.
Big deal.
Last night I went to Tribeca Grand aka 12 dollar vodka soda rip off bastard bar.
The whole point was to hear some bands, in particular Lykke Li.
She was amazing.
She likes to dance a lot.
Me too!
She looks like a more interesting non-fetus version of the Olsens.
Not that you can tell, but Liv and I were kind of standing in the perfect spot.
It was fantastique.
Unfortunately there was a very very annoying girl standing behind me who I might have been capable of murdering.
She was one of those women who is quite pretty with a full lady body and non attention whore clothes, like a white button down all disheveled and proper jeans and boots with personality.
Like put together and not put together.
Like before she left her apartment she drank 4 glasses of wine and smoked a joint and is just too beyond.
TOO.
BEYOND.
Very pretentious without having to say or do much.
Call me a hater if you will, but she was so amazingly self aware and puffed up on the attention her homosexual accomplice gave her that she probably would not notice if the ceiling fell in.
I am not sure I can even get across the annoyance factor but thinking about her is making me feel a hulk out coming on.
Who is not annoying?
This person.
From here til March I predict that I will not be able to photograph a single persons face.
We are all walking around acting like its the fucking Yukon covering our nose and mouths.
Ugh I fear for January.
Oh wait, something else annoying.
Liv and I had a little dinner at Bread before going to that horseshit V party.
Please guess what we had to ASK out waiter to bring.
You got it.
Bread.
Hi, we're at Bread.
Can we get some fucking bread?
False advertising my friends.
I am over myself right now.
Negative negative.
All day.
This is not negative.
Hi new boots!
Hi kitty!
She likes my taste in footwear.
Now I just need to find a new pair of shoelaces for sassy accent appeal.
I realize in the dim dungeon lighting of my home, they may look like hooker shoes.
Bless your heart, they are certainly NOT.
Oh wait, I almost forgot, the best part of my day, I'm in the grocery with my mother buying New Jersey cigarettes (hee-eey 6.50 a pack)
and I see a People magazine issue devoted to Paul Newms.
It cost 12 dollars so like a cheap scumbag I opened it up and started taking pictures of the pictures.
Presh sesh.
Its like Paul and Joanna live inside of a rainbow in heaven and they play board games all day and dance to old timey tunes and everytime they kiss is like the fiiiiirst tiiiiiiiiime!
(in my mind i sang that with extra excitement voice on the 'first time' part)
If I don't get a Paul Newman for myself I will not die happy.
I will feel super ripped off.
I will hate on so much of the universe.
hi, hater!
Please refer to the Hi, Hater! blog expertly written by Annabelch, Classy Cholita.
Hi, Hater link also to your right.
I'm sure she will have something to say about my black black soul after this one.
Good night.
UM PS again.
How many times a day from here out will we all have to hear "ew I'm cold."
Ew so am I pal.
No comments:
Post a Comment