I have been surrounded by vaginas for DAYS.
I feel like I should start a commune where alls we do is discuss feelings and eat snacks.
Sometimes we can mud wrestle.
Sounds sexy!?
It wouldn't be.
So Liv has been assed out since the Great Flood of 2008. Poor gal. Though I have been under the weather, I mustered the energy to put on my "weekend bra" (y'all know) and head over to Rivington Hotel last night. I owe it to her considering I've been MIA when needed.
I made it in good time, DBalls, Mauduler and Lindsey were sitting around in the room being cute and girly. Picture magazines lying around, unkept beds, and Meg Ryanesque outfits. Not really, DBalls is the only Meggy one. NBD ... I like your little brown buckle shoes and baggy winter top! Cutesy!
And of course resident hot bitch Lindsay had her giant New Mexico shaman lady creation wrapped around her, I'm a little jealz I didnt think of it first. If she was a winter cocktail she would be a hot toddy, no questions asked.
Yay, we chat a bit and Mauduler says people who blog have something wrong with them, I agree. Case in point, aherm.
We go downstairs to walk Lindsay out and go to the Liqua Sto' and WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE, Sterp appears, cute as a button. We also go to get some pizza.
Yay!
Cuteness cuteness, look who I'm becoming. Ughhhh I feel kindve like a man who once had balls but was then castrated and now has a little shack in his backyard where he keeps baby birds he rescues.
Somehow I end up defending myself and saying over and over "guys I'm not an alcoholic." No one accused me of being one.
That should imply where the evening was headed.
We drank and talked about girl things and it was really beautiful. My heart sprouted hands and in the hands were paintbrushes that drew rainbows in the air with magic soul paint.
We watched some old clips from Sesame Street and it was happening for real.
Liv had no idea what was going on because she was born an adult. Never a baby, sorry. i think she should undergo hypnosis or just become like Micheal Jackson and try to recapture it all it a very creepy way. Rarr Rarr!
Here are a couple of the faves.
HOLY SHIT THIS TOOK ME BAAAAACK!!!! JELLY MAN KELLY!!!!!!! Jenny can ya come???
MY NAME IS YOU! (new york kiddies!)
PATTI LOVES X
How amazing?
Moving on, I decided I wanted to buy a round of drinks downstairs.
We had already noticed the dbags that were trolling around the bar and I got in a few excellent burns. There was actually a guy outside of the hotel wearing one of those silky shirts a la Hot Topic with the flames on the front. I would also like to make an educated guess that his shoes were from Aldo and he jerks off to internet porn of rottweilers fucking chicks.
I was pretty much unstoppable at that point in terms of shit-talking material. If you would like, I am fully willing to give a reenactment of my impression of him.
so we change our minds ad take a little walk to that weird cavernous hookah spot. i really hate that bar but Sterps roommate works there and cheap drinks are kindve like drunk hookups with quasi-hot dudes. Saying no is harder than you thought. Not a joke. At all.
So we dance to really horrible music I kid you not, the dj played Gnarls Barkley. Ok. Well. I have no follow up joke for that. Its actually just a little sad.
We got some good stuff in there, surprisingly we all shook serious ass to Brit Brit when her new shit came on. I dont know if it was the booze or what but I was feeling it. Fuck you, so was everyone else don't judge me.
As per usual, mad dorks approached and hovered which is the grossest thing ever. Don't hover dude you are throwing it all off. I felt the need to be a bitch and create comedy at their expense.
Also I am starting to hate my wrist tattoo because it is one thing men always ask about. Some guy didn't know what a paisley is (obv a GEDbag) and I suggested he go fuck off and google it. Hm. Nice.
I had masses of fun, Jay was there all dressed up which was kindve weird to see. I have nothing else to say re: Jay because I somehow ended up fighting with him over how much I hate the Chinese people in Chinatown. Apparently that makes me a racist? No, I don't hate them because they are Chinese, i hate them because they are filthy child-beating jerks who spit everywhere and walk absurdly slow at inopportune times. Also, they hate me too. NBD just a fact. Whatever, i apologize for being a racist bitch. Or just a general bitch.
Annnnnnnnnd SCENE.
OK so when we got back to the hotel the most important thing is that I beat Sterp in a wrestling match. Fightin Irish. Psht, legendary.
We tried to take pictures laying on the bed, but most of them ended up looking a bit downsyndrome. Liv was funnier than usual and tied my leggings in some knots while they were on my legs. Nautically saavy. Jokes on Krissy. They were hard to untie.
Summary:
Hotels are fun.
James Taylor is wildly charming.
I'm a racist.
Making jokes at the expense of others never gets old.
The elevator at Riv Hotel is fucking weird. And no, you're not the only one who thinks that the "G" meaning ground floor looks exactly like a 6. Confusion abound. Especially once drunk.
Some men still wear camo visors under the assumption that it looks hip. These people should be rounded up and thrown off of a cliff.
The End.
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